Giving-Day 20

Today is so bittersweet to me. It's the day I lost 2 years ago after the birth of my son. It's the day they hooked me up to tubes and drained 39 lbs of fluid out of my body. It's the day that my life changed forever. I love it and I hate it. Half of me says "Fuck you June 4th!" while the other half says "Woo Hoo! June 4th!" I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel. I look forward to it b/c I've made it another year and I hate it too b/c I'm reminded of what happened. I do know that I will never allow another doctor to ignore me again. I do know that I will listen to my body and trust what it is saying. I do know that there are some things that I just don't care about anymore. I do know that sometimes it just doesn't matter.

Today I made a donation to the American Heart Association b/c I figure that w/o their research, I wouldn't be here today. They've helped to create miracle drugs that I hate being dependent upon but that I need to survive.

So here's to another year and hopefully the memory gets easier to handle. I look at my son and know that I would do it all again if it meant that I got to be his mom.