Friday, May 28, 2010

Current journey

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." - James Oppenheim, short-story writer, novelist, poet

The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you already have. If you think about it, most discontent grows from want. We want more stuff, more excitement, more pleasure. When we don't get those things, we're resentful and unsatisfied. Take away the want, and you take away the unhappiness. When your quality of life is tied to your desires, fulfillment is a shadow that escapes your view. Like trying to imagine a new color, the harder you look, the harder it is to see. Does this mean you stop setting goals and striving for a healthy lifestyle and better life? No. It means you can appreciate life regardless of the outcome. It means you can relish the pursuit while accepting the possibility of failure. It means you can still enjoy the ride. Happiness is not a destination--it's a way of life.

I read this this morning and it completely sums up the journey I am currently on. It's a hard one, to be sure, but I'm tired of looking outside of myself for solutions to my weight issues or even my happiness. I know that I already have everything I need. Seriously...have you met my family? My boys are both awesome, kind, supportive, loving...I could go on and on. When I'm having a bad day I only have to think of them to know how lucky I am. I keep saying that they deserve the best me possible. I'm working on it, I am.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Journey

The Journey {by Mary Oliver}

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The beauty of innocence

My 3 year old son went with me to the gym last Thursday. As we were leaving he asked me why I went to the gym. Not wanting him to see my weight or "being fat" in a negative light I told him the following: I go to the gym to get stronger. I go there to build strong muscles and to be healthy. I told him that he would be riding a bike very soon and I wanted to keep up with him.
He answers me from the backseat with "but Mama, you have big muscles. You are strong. You can pick me up."
I then explained to him that very soon he would be riding a bike and I know that he will be very fast. I explained that I wanted to be able to keep up with him so that he wouldn't have to slow down because of me.
He's had my butt in the gym almost every day since then and reminds me constantly why I am doing this and why I am here.
I think I am awesome, my son thinks I am beautiful, and my husband lets me know every day that he loves me. Why would I not take care of myself and grow old with them?