I did not eat the cheesecake this week. They served it for 2 days. I did not eat the danishes or the doughnuts. I did not eat the tortilla around my soft taco. I did not snack at night. I went to the gym instead.
I also have not walked around the lake but I still have 3 days to get on that. I took a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood, a 60 minute yoga class, 30 minutes of circuit training and 15 minutes of cycling. Why do I ever not exercise?

Beyond expectations

Goals for the week of April 4-10:
1) Drink 64oz of water per day
2) Walk around a lake twice this week
3) One other form of 30 minute exercise this week
4) Get a battery for my pedometer
5) Stay under 1750 calories per day this week
6) In bed by 11pm
7) Make a pot of steel cut oats for breakfasts this week

I went to the gym last night for an hour long yoga class. It kicked my butt in ways I didn't know possible. I can feel the muscles in the back of my legs and arms. I forgot I had these but now that I can feel them, it's kinda awesome. I also forgot how amazing I feel afterwards. Completely relaxed and almost unable to talk coherently. It's safe to say that it's a little piece of bliss.
I'm also remembering how well my body responds when I start listening to it. I love having my mind and body in tune with one another instead of constantly battling. It's so exhausting to want to do something but continuously talking yourself out of it. Then the guilt...oh the guilt that follows because you aren't doing what you long to do. Why do I forget how much I hate excuses? I need to remind myself of this constantly. Think I'll sticky note my house.

Restarting my life

I think I'm going to have to ignore that people I know read this thing. I really need to write down what is going on in my head as I restart my weight loss journey.
I think I found it this weekend. It being my motivation. I was watching my son at gymnastics and I started thinking about the example I set for him. I make sure that he exercises at least 45-60 minutes per day but I don't do the same for myself. I make him choose healthy snacks such as fruit, string cheese, and yogurt but I don't do the same for myself. Why do I treat my son like he is worth more than I am? It hit me this weekend that I am not a good example. I'm doing the same thing my parents did and I always resented them for it. "Do as I say, not as I do" was something my mom said to me time and time again. I hated that they weren't being the example of what they expected of me. I'm not going to be the same.
I'm taking it slow and easy. I had kept my weight off up until the last 2 months and I've gained 7 of the 37lbs I lost. I'm taking those off plus 53 more at least by my birthday in October. I'm making 7 goals a week and trying my absolute best to abide by those.

Goals for the week of April 4-10:
1) Drink 64oz of water per day
2) Walk around a lake twice this week
3) One other form of 30 minute exercise this week
4) Get a battery for my pedometer
5) Stay under 1750 calories per day this week
6) In bed by 11pm
7) Make a pot of steel cut oats for breakfasts this week

That should be simple enough to accomplish and keep me on track. Little goals, little steps, little by little it will come off.

Taking it all in

It's 713pm on Tuesday, March 22. I've just finished cooking brinner (my kid's request). My four year old devoured 5 pieces of sausage, 3 eggs, and cheese grits. I'm wondering how I'm going to feed him this one when he's 11 going on 17. We're chilling out after a round of gymnastics and laughing. Little one is curled up next to his dad, leg draped over him as we all watch Dora the Explorer. It's kinda beautiful and I'm glad I stopped to take it all in.

What do you do when...?

Sometimes I need someone to be there for me. Sometimes I hate having to be the one to keep it all together. Sometimes I hate being the one with the smile on my face. Sometimes I need advice. Sometimes I just need someone to listen. Sometimes I just need someone to hold my hand and be quiet with me.
I feel a little lost lately. Like, I want to find answers but I don't even really know what the questions are. I feel like I'm just walking around in a huge circle and I want to hop off but I'm not sure how that is supposed to happen. I feel a huge calling back to my faith but I don't know how to go back to it. I've avoided it for so long and while organized religion is not necessarily for me, I do want to find a like minded, social justice motivated community of support. I miss having in depth, soul changing conversations. I miss having something to say other than "tired" when someone asks me how I am.
The truth is, I am tired. So, so tired.

Your moment of random today

I was standing by the stove tonight preparing dinner when suddenly I heard the back door open. I look up and saw a dog run into the house. Out loud I exclaim, "Oh! There's a dog in my house." I took off running to close the bedroom door where my hubby and little one were sleeping while the dog was running crazily around the house. I felt like I was stuck inside The Christmas Story.
All of a sudden a guy from the neighborhood stuck his head in the door and asked if I'd seen his dog. I said, "Yeah there's a dog in my house" so he darts in and tries to catch her. That didn't work either and she ran out of the house, through the back yard, around the front, and eventually across the creek and one street over.
Guess I've learned to shut my back door completely.

I feel like I should write this down

Monkeyface is in pre-school and every day I get a report on what he did with the class and then one little snippet about what he did as an individual.
On Monday Monkeyface and his friends took paddles, turned them into guitars, and proceeded to serenade one of the girls in the class. When I asked the teacher who it was, Monkeyface screamed out the girl's name. I asked him what she looked like and he said that she had long, yellow hair.

Oh Lord