Saturday, December 11, 2010

Reverb 10-Moment

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

It would have to be the moment that I regained control of my thoughts, actions, and breath while trying to snorkel. I just remember being so scared in that moment. When I suffered my congestive heart failure after the birth of my child, the most vivid detail in my mind to this day is feeling like I was drowning. The moment I hit the water with the fins and mask on I flashed back to that. In my head I was screaming, "I'm drowning!" "I can't breathe!" "I'm going to die!" I completely lost it to the point that I was kicking sea turtles and fighting my way back to the boat. I remember clutching the side of the boat with all my might and my legs were being swept under and no matter what I did I couldn't keep my head up. My child was asking "What's wrong Mommy!" and in that moment Karla told me I was having a panic attack. As soon as I could put a name on it I snapped out of it. I knew that I couldn't let my child see me like that and that I had to regain control. I grabbed onto the emergency flotation device that the dive master was holding, put my mask back on, and let him pull me around. I remember thinking "as long as I'm breathing, I'm alive" "as long as I'm breathing, I'm alive". I kept counting my breaths. Inhale for 10, exhale for 10, over and over. Being in the water and watching the fish and turtles was amazing. It looked like the reef was breathing under the water and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I wouldn't do it again but I am so proud of myself for being able to push through it.