I must post this link as it is the most delightful thing I've read in a long time. I almost fell off the couch laughing and I am literally wiping a tear from my eye right now.
It reminds me of the little old lady that used to babysit my younger brother and me, Ms. Penny. She was a completely proper, Baptist widow raised in the South. She never spoke ill of anyone and was incredibly sweet. She would cook THE BEST fried chicken and mashed potatoes I have ever had in my life and she would cook it every day if I asked. The potatoes were the perfect consistency and since she never told me how she made them I can never have them again. I remember that she swept our orange shag carpet every day when she was there and refused to use the vacuum cleaner. She told great stories and crocheted all the time. She is one of my favorite memories of childhood and now that I have a child I really miss her.
Of course, being the instigator that I am, I would wait until she fell asleep with her head back on the couch (she did this frequently) and then my brother and I would stick our fingers in her mouth, giggling the whole time. She had dentures so sometimes she would snore a little too deeply causing the dentures to go back too far and she'd snort awake. We'd take off running and pretend like nothing was going on....until she fell asleep again.
Another favorite story of mine is that we used to watch a nightly news entertainment program. One night they had on these beautiful women with the tiniest bathing suits I had ever seen in my life. She hoists her 80 year old body off the couch, squinches her eyes at the TV, and loudly says to me..."that girl barely has enough material to cover her pussy". I gasped, sputtered, laughed, snorted, and probably any other sound you could think of. That was probably 24-25 years ago and I still remember this about her.