Pema

The following is an excerpt from Pema Chodron's book, The Wisdom of
No Escape:

When people start to meditate or work with any kind of spiritual
discipline, they often think they are going to improve. But
loving-kindness or maitri toward ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of
anything. The point is not to change ourselves. It's about befriending
who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever you
are right now, just as we are. The idea isn't to get rid of ego but
actually to begin to take an interest in ourselves, to investigate, and
be inquisitive about ourselves.

One of the main discoveries of meditation is seeing how we continually
run away from the present moment, how we avoid being here just as we
are. The magic is willing to be fully awake to that. You do all those
things for which you criticize people you don't like, all the people
you judge. Making friends with yourself is making friends with all those
people, too.

Sitting meditation, working, bathing, eating and other every day things
are all we need to be fully awake, fully alive, fully human. The body,
emotions, and mind that we have now are exactly what we need to be fully
human, fully awake, and fully alive.

Meditation is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic
goodness of what we have and who we are. Our wisdom is all mixed up
with our neuroses, therefore, it doesn't do any good to try to get rid
of our negative aspects, because in that process, we also get rid of our
basic wonderfulness.

From my other online journal Nov 2005

So I've been thinking about some of the crazy things I did as a kid:

1) I grew up in the country so we had a HUGE backyard. My parents had beach sand hauled in so that we could have a sand pile to play in. My brother and I used to dig holes to China.

2) I climbed up on the clothes line pole one time (this pole is only about 5 ft tall) and I knocked the ladder over on my way up. I proceeded to sit up there for over an hour until I had the courage to jump down. My mom just stared out the window at me and told me that I had gotten myself up there so I had to get myself down.

3) I have always been the kind of person that likes to push the shiny red button. When I was about 4 years old I climbed under my dad's truck when he first got home and grabbed the shiny silver thing under there. Yes, I scalded my hand on the muffler.

4) Same truck...different day. I was playing gymnastics by jumping off the side of the truck and twirling on the way down. Well I judged wrong one time and ending up scraping my chin down the side of the truck. I still have the scar from that one.

5) We were eating foot long hot dogs one time and I choked. My dad had to give me the Heimlich maneuver and everything. Reason I choked? I was taking bites and swallowing them whole in an attempt to see just how big of a bite I could take w/o choking. That worked out well...

6) Every time my parents let me drive the riding lawnmower, I wrecked it. Now we have a 3 acre back yard and I still managed to run into things. I am no longer allowed to drive it.

7) I used to have a hobby horse. One of those ones that they definitely don't make anymore b/c it was suspended on a metal frame by 4 springs. I used to love to build up my momentum and get it going across the floor. I have broken more of these toys than I can remember.

8) I can remember sitting on the floor at the age of 3 watching Captain Kangaroo with a patch over one eye. I can also remember going in for eye surgery and going under the anesthesia.

9) My only fight was in fifth grade. I slapped a girl in the face with a baseball glove b/c she called me a fished eye fool. My guy friends then proceeded to hit her with baseball bats. We all had to spend the next week in detention copying the dictionary.

10) I used to love to fish with my dad. Still do. To this day I prefer to use a cane pole over a rod-n-reel b/c I like the simplicity of the cane pole. Makes me feel like Huckleberry Finn.

Really?

Dear North Carolina weather,

Why was I out all weekend playing in the park with my son while it was almost 60 degrees only to find myself driving to work in the snow today?
Can you please explain?

Thanks!

The power of writing it down

On Feb 8, 2010 I wrote down in my notebook at work that I need to pay $800/month towards my car payment in order to have my car paid off by October 2010. Right now I already try to pay $675/month but was looking to see what I could do without in order to find an extra $125/month. My intention was to go back to that blank page in my notebook and rework my budget when there was a lull at work. There has been no such lull. Nine days after writing down that I need extra money, I got a raise. One that more than covers what I need in order to pay off the car. A raise that I did not ask for, had no idea I was getting, but have totally worked hard for.
So how is this year going for me? Where is "beyond" taking me? It's opening me up to new possibilities. I have never had sales as large as I'm having this year. I'm flying through the books that I want to read. I am becoming a better steward of my money. I have no problem asking for what I need. I am learning to accept with gratitude. I have opened myself up a little more and have shared my thought process with someone I love dearly. I keep thinking that I need to create a "Mondo Beyondo" list. A list so big and outrageous of things I want in this life. A list that couldn't possibly be accomplished but by putting my energy out there, it just might.
I need to take up writing again. I'm not very good at it, but that's ok b/c I'm the only one that ever reads it. I think I'm off right now to start a new journal. I keep feeling like I need to and so I am. Don't believe in the power of writing it down? Well you should.