Mama Feelgood

100+ Things I'd Like to Do Before I Go

2012-01-01T22:46:00.000-05:00

I've been working on this list since early 2010 and it's about time that I finish it.

1) ride in a hot air balloon
2) learn to play the ukelele
3) skydive
4) travel to Greece
5) learn to play the harmonica
6) Do a headstand (Dec 5, 2011)
7) Take a jewelry making class
8) Make a personalized mixed tape for each of my closest friends
9) Host a themed dinner party in an outrageous location
10) See the Grand Canyon
11) Go to Disney
12) Watch the sun rise on the east coast and set on the west coast on the same day
13) Visit the Nile
14) Travel to the Dead Sea
15) Perform some sort of spoken word on stage
16) Take a cruise with a group of fun, creative women
17) get a pixie cut
18) Hang out with the Amish for a weekend
19) get rid of cable
20) become a yoga instructor
21) learn to hula hoop
22) Visit Machu Picchu
23) Visit Paris
24) Take K to New Orleans
25) Make something I would hang in my house
26) Learn to shuffle cards in a fancy manner
27) Speak Spanish fluently
28) Learn to play backgammon
29) jump rope like I did when I was a kid
30) Be completely debt free!!!
31) Visit the baths in Iceland
32) Have a Holi colored powder fight
33) Find a church or place of worship that resonates with my core values
34) Make a difficult dessert
35) Go to 100 wacky American roadside attractions (like oversized chair, large radio flyer wagon, dinosaur where Pee Wee sat, etc)
36) Visit Kate's Lazy Meadow Hotel
37) Own a house with a front porch
38) Meet Tom Robbins
39) Hike in Patagonia
40) Have a conversation with David Sedaris
41) Go backstage at a Tom Petty concert
42) Make my own set of post cards
43) Ride a horse
44) See the Aurora Borealis
45) Spend 2 weeks in Tuscany
46) Spend a month at Plum Village (if not longer)
47) Carnivale in Brazil with a local
48) Learn to cook Arroz con Pollo like a Costa Rican
49) Drink whiskey in Scotland with my son (when he is much, much older)
50) Be featured in a magazine or on TV b/c of my weight loss
51) Roll down a sand dune at Jockey's Ridge like I used to when I was a kid
52) Learn to play guitar
53) Paint something and give it away
54) take a knitting class
55) Go horseback riding in another country
56) Take a solo trip to a quiet cabin in the middle of nowhere
57) Learn how to use a camera that is more interesting than a point and shoot
58) Go on a second honeymoon with the hubby
59) Relearn and own a piano
60) Take a class with the little one
61) Save an emergency fund that equals 6 months of our salary
62) Hang out with R for a really long, lazy weekend
63) Learn to love with my whole heart
64) Eat a dinner that the little one has prepared
65) get another tattoo
66) Visit at least 50 different waterfalls
1) Orchid Falls, Belize (plus other waterfalls in Cayo, Belize)
2) Sliding Rock, NC
3) Looking Glass Falls, NC
67) Stand on a balcony on Bourbon St in New Orleans during Mardi Gras and throw out beads
68) Kiss the Blarney Stone
69) Go to New York with the hubby
70) Teach a self-help class like my yoga instructor did
71) learn to drive a motorcycle
72) Own and use a bicycle
73) Find something active that I enjoy doing
74) Complete a 5K
75) Complete a 1/2 marathon
76) Complete a marathon
77) Go white water rafting
78) See the Red Rocks
79) Go To Mesa Verde, Colorado
80) Read all of Kurt Vonnegut's books (he's dead and still publishing them)
81) Start 5 holiday traditions
1) put up the tree the first weekend in December
2)
3)
4)
5)
82) Own a completely fun car like an El Camino, Jeep Wrangler, or Mini Cooper
83) Learn how to surf
84) Learn to belly dance
85) walk across hot coals
86) Take the family to Galapagos
87) Photograph Nova Scotia, Canada
88) Own a vintage dining table
89) Buy furniture for my bedroom
90) See the pyramids in Egypt
91) Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico
92) Have a family portrait taken
93) Get my palm read
94) Try accupuncture
95) See a musical on Broadway
96) See the cherry blossoms in DC
97) Donate my hair to Locks of Love or similar charity
98) Volunteer with the little one
99) Lose 100 lbs
100) Have a life changing conversation with a stranger
101) Drink an expensive bottle of wine by myself
102) Visit Graceland
103) Participate in a Tough Mudder
104) Visit Lake Como in Italy
105) Learn to spin fire
106) Go with the hubby to Vegas

38 while 38

2011-10-04T23:54:00.001-04:00

1. Finish writing a 100+ Things I'd Like to Do Before I Go list
2. Take a jewelry making/beading class
3. Buy new bedroom furniture for me
4. Buy hubby a new car
5. Lose 100 lbs from where I originally started
6. Take a solo trip
7. Volunteer at the Food Bank with Monkeyface
8. Go to a movie alone
9. Go to 3 live performances for free
10. Visit a chiropractor
11. Fix my itunes/ipod
12. Do a photography project
13. Do a Miranda July project
14. Send out 12 surprise packages to the unsuspecting
15. take a girl's trip to the beach
16. Take Monkeyface for a ride in a hot air balloon (for free?)
17. Teach Monkeyface to fly a kite
18. Take Monkeyface to a sporting event
19. Attend 50 yoga classes
20. Visit Ikea again
21. Paint the living room
22. Have a family portrait taken
23. Take Monkeyface to the beach for the day
24. Go on 6 dates with the hubby
25. Have a great conversation with a complete stranger
26. Play a different version of Canasta
27. Take a photography class
28. sneak away for the weekend with the hubby
29. get rid of treadmill
30. Plant something in my yard
31. Get a bed for the guest bedroom
32. Get a bookshelf for Monkeyface's room
33. Get a retro used dining table
34. Buy and wear a new lip color that is completely out of the ordinary for me
35. Rappel down Wachovia building
36. Experiment with new eyeshadow colors
37. Walk 500 miles above what I normally walk on a daily basis
38. Go ziplining in Costa Rica

37 before I'm 38-how did I do?

2011-10-04T23:23:00.000-04:00

1. Write a 100+ Things I'd Like to Do Before I Go list-still working on this
2. Make orgami of some sort
3. Take a jewelry making/beading class
~~4. Pay off car~~ May 2011
5. Lose 100 lbs from where I originally started
6. ~~Own a pair of black boots~~ October 2010
7. wear heels
8. Go to a movie alone
9. ~~Wear a dress~~ October 2010
10. Visit an accupuncturist
~~11. Walk a 5k~~ May 2011
~~12. Take Monkeyface to an aquarium (July 2011)~~
13. Do a Miranda July project
14. Send out 12 surprise packages to the unsuspecting
15. take a solo trip to the beach
16. Wear my hair in pigtails
17. Teach Monkeyface to fly a kite
18. Run a mile without stopping
19. Read one classic novel per month
a) Their Eyes Were Watching God
b) A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
c) Love in the Time of Cholera
20. Visit Ikea again
21. Wear my hair straight once
22. Have a family portrait taken
~~23. Take Monkeyface to the beach for the day(July 2011)~~
24. Take Monkeyface to a drum circle
~~25. Have a great conversation with a complete stranger (oct 2011)~~
26. ~~Get a new camera~~ (October '10)
27. Take a photography class
28. sneak away for the weekend with the hubby
29. get rid of treadmill
30. Plant something in my yard
31. Get a bed for the guest bedroom
32. Get a bookshelf for Monkeyface's room
33. Do a headstand
~~34. Buy a piece of Natasha Wescoat art (Aug 2011)~~
35. Rappel down Wachovia building
36. Entertain a group of friends at my house
37. Skydive with hubby

Cafe Rio Recipes

2011-09-24T20:53:00.000-04:00

Just putting these here so I don't lose them:

BLACK BEANS

2 Tbsp. olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 1/3 c. tomato juice
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. fresh chopped cilantro

In a nonstick skillet, cook garlic and cumin in olive oil over medium heat until you can smell it. Add beans, tomato juice, and salt. Continually stir until heated through. Just before serving stir in the cilantro. (**NOTE** we added a can of corn, drained, to the beans with a dash of cumin and chili powder, it was AWESOME! We recommend doing this even though it's not "traditional Cafe Rio")

Cilantro Lime Vinaigrette

2 tamatillos
1/2 bunch cilantro
2 cloves garlic
1 Tbsp. diced jalepeno (canned) --you can use less if you don't like it spicy at all. I like a little kick.
Juice of 2 limes
1 Tbsp. sugar
1 c. balsamic vinaigrette (not vinegar... we used Kraft)

In a food processor or blender, combine tamatillos, cilantro, garlic, jalapeno, lime juice, and sugar. After it is all blended up well combine with balsamic vinaigrette in an airtight container and refrigerate for at least 2 hours (overnight is best).

Cafe Rio Pork

1 pork roast (butt or shoulder)
1 can Coke (don't use diet)
1 jar salsa (fresh is best!)
3/4 c brown sugar
1 T cumin
garlic salt to taste

Cover roast half way with water in slow cooker and cook on high for 3-4hr. Mix remaining ingredients in bowl. Drain water, cut in quarters and pour Coke mixture over top. Cook another 3-4hr. Shred and serve.

Cafe Rio Chicken

5 lbs chicken
1 small bottle of Zesty Italian dressing
1 T chili powder
1 T cumin
3 cloves minced garlic

Mix all ingredients in slow cooker and cook on high 5-7 hr. Drain some of the liquid and shred chicken.

Lime Rice

2-3 T oil
1/4 c chopped cilantro
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 c rice
1/2 c lime juice
4 c chicken broth
Heat oil in pan. Saute garlic, cilantro, and rice over medium heat about 5 min. Add liquid and bring to boil. Turn heat to low, cover with lid, and cook 25-30 min.

Cafe Rio Tomatillo Dressing

1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped
4-6 T olive oil
1 bunch green onions, diced
1 c ranch dressing
4 oz salsa verde
1 c plain yogurt, mayo, or buttermilk
Juice of 1 lime
Garlic salt to taste
Place cilantro, green onions, and olive oil in blender or food processor and process until pesto consistency. Add ranch dressing, yogurt, salsa verde, lime juice, and garlic salt.
Refrigerate until ready to serve. Taste better if made few hours ahead. Will last 2-3 weeks in fridge.

With your eyes closed

2011-09-08T23:37:00.001-04:00

So my boy is in kindergarten and has started working on homework assignments this week.
There is a calendar with 30 different assignments on it that he must complete before the end of the month. He can choose any one he wants to do and he just colors in that day when he is done.
Last night he randomly picked one and it was practice writing your first name five times.
And then this happened:
Hubby: OOoh...you picked practice writing your first name five times
Monkeyface: Awww....I don't like that one.
Hubby: Come on...you can do that one with your eyes closed.
Monkeyface grabs a piece of paper & a crayon, sits down at his table & proceeds to close his eyes. He then writes his first name five times with his eyes closed.
HA!

Week 1 (August 15-21)-movement

2011-08-14T22:24:00.000-04:00

Source: Questtobeauty

Back to the drawing board:
I'm going back to Week 1 on this. I need a fresh start.

August 15: 60 minutes yoga
August 16: Cards with the girls
August 17: 45 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes circuit training
August 18: 30 minutes elliptical
August 19: rest
August 20: 60 minutes elliptical
August 21: walk in neighborhood

I gained 6 lbs

2011-08-04T11:10:00.000-04:00

I hate having to say that I gained 6 pounds. I was on vacation last week and it wasn't even from the vacation. I had gained 1 lb when I had returned...1. Then the weekend and the rest of the week got the best of me and I was filling my body with junk. Chicken wings because I hadn't had them in months. Burgers b/c my body was screaming for 1 (so I had 1 and then another 1 later in the week). Taco Bell for no other reason than it was easy and I have not felt like planning my meals.
I've had a hard go of it for the month of July. Totally uninspired and withdrawn. I haven't planned my meals or my exercise. I had my IUD replaced which has sent my body surging with hormones and searching for comfort. I lost a friend of mine that I kept meaning to visit and reconnect with but I never did. I'm going through a few things in my life, that while I am totally supported and loved, still leave me wanting more (vague I know).
I think I need to hop back on the elliptical and think for a bit. I did go to the gym Tuesday as I normally do but my heart just wasn't in it. I went through the motions and I worked out for an hour but it just felt tedious.
I know what I need to do and I have no excuse other than I've kinda lost my fire lately. Home life has been great. Seriously great. I don't think I've ever been more in love with my husband. We have been cracking each other up and just loving each other's company. It's been comfortable being with him. It's been harder to want to leave home. It's been hard to be selfish.

Ok-back to making lists and crossing them off.

July 11-17 movement

2011-07-12T23:14:00.000-04:00

July 4-10
~~July 4) I did a lot of cleaning this day. I mean a lot~~
~~July 5) 60 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes bike~~
~~July 6) gardening (did 20 gardening, 10 walking)~~
July 7) 30 cybex, 30 circuit
~~July 8) rest~~
July 9) 60 elliptical-family fun day! Hubby actually has the day off
July 10) outdoor walk

I have been stuffing my face and not felt like exercising this week. I had my IUD replaced on Monday and I hate all the hormones surging through my body. I cannot eat enough, I'm overly sensitive, and I'm exhausted. Back to work on me starting tomorrow.

July 11-17
~~July 11) yoga 60 minutes~~
July 12) rest
July 13) 30 minutes cybex, 30 circuit
July 14) 45 minutes elliptical
July 15) try to fit in a work out??
July 16) 60 minutes elliptical
July 17) 15 minute walk around neighborhood

July 4-10 movement

2011-07-07T10:28:00.000-04:00

June 27-July 3
~~June 27) 60 minutes yoga~~
~~June 28) 60 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes bike~~
June 29) 30 minutes circuit training-cards with the ladies
~~June 30) 30 minutes cybex, 20 minutes bike(actually did 50 elliptical, 20 bike, 20 treadmill~~
~~July 01) rest~~
~~July 02) 90 minute-whatever I feel like doing (45 minute elliptical, 5 bike, 30 circuit training)~~
July 03) some sort of outdoor activity with Monkeyface (did yard work and cleaned off my horrible back deck)

I totally forgot to update what was going on this week. The holiday threw me for a loop. I could not get my kid out of the house this weekend. He said he was tired and wanted to be lazy...so I let him. I don't think he wore pants for 2 days. I didn't leave the house Sunday or Monday and that is entirely rare for me. I love to be out and about but I needed the rest as well.
July 4-10
~~July 4) I did a lot of cleaning this day. I mean a lot~~
~~July 5) 60 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes bike~~
~~July 6) gardening (did 20 gardening, 10 walking)~~
July 7) 30 cybex, 30 circuit
July 8) rest
July 9) 60 elliptical-family fun day! Hubby actually has the day off
July 10) outdoor walk

July goals

2011-07-01T13:09:00.000-04:00

picture credit: believe-toachieve

1) Exercise 21 times for 30 minutes or more
2) Take one easy hike with the little one
3) Walk 2 miles on the beach
4) Lose 10 lbs
5) Rack up 75 miles
6) Drop a pants size
7) Get a massage
8) Over 1,000 minutes of fitness tracked
9) Take myself to the movies by myself

picture credit: believe-toachieve

June 27-July 3 movement

2011-06-27T16:12:00.000-04:00

June 20-26
~~June 20) 60 minutes yoga~~
June 21) 60 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes bike
June 22) 30 minutes circuit training
June 23) 30 minutes cybex, 20 minutes bike
~~June 24) Working on baby shower prep-rest~~
June 25) 30 minutes personal trainer
June 26) gardening and gym??

I am so ready for some normalcy and to be back in control of how I spend my evenings. I am also ready to get back to the gym this week. Weight loss is progressing nicely but I miss the gym. I miss sweating and kicking ass. I miss feeling like a bad ass when I walk out of there. I did not make it to the gym at all last week. Not once. Between running around to get everything done for the baby shower and taking my kid from place to place I am exhausted. I had a huge webinar last Wednesday where I talked to people for over an hour. I spent Tuesday night working on that. Thursday night I worked late since I took a half day on Friday. The personal trainer called one hour before I supposed to meet her to cancel on me. WHY ARE PERSONAL TRAINERS ALWAYS CANCELING? This has been the problem with any trainer I've ever had. Now to get back on track:

e 27-July 3
June 27) 60 minutes yoga
June 28) 60 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes bike
June 29) 30 minutes circuit training-cards with the ladies
June 30) 30 minutes cybex, 20 minutes bike
July 01) rest
July 02) 90 minute-whatever I feel like doing
July 03) some sort of outdoor activity with Monkeyface

June 20-26 movement

2011-06-20T22:29:00.000-04:00

June 13-19
~~June 13) 60 minutes yoga~~
~~June 14) 60 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes bike (actually 70 elliptical, 20 bike)~~
June 15) 30 minutes elliptical after dinner with friends (didn't happen)
~~June 16) dinner with friends-rest (done!)~~
~~June 17) Monkeyface graduates preschool-rest (done!)~~
June 18) 60 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes circuit (didn't happen-little one wasn't interested in accompanying me to the gym)
June 19) Free day but I really must get my butt to the gym-also it's father's day (didn't happen)

I knew this week would be rough. I even made the decision to go to the gym after yoga tonight but when I called the hubby, he told me he had been called into work so I had to come home. Oh well, I'm content with what I can do so I'll be busting it out this week. I swear come July 4th weekend, I am doing NOTHING.

June 20-26
~~June 20) 60 minutes yoga~~
June 21) 60 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes bike
June 22) 30 minutes circuit training
June 23) 30 minutes cybex, 20 minutes bike
June 24) Working on baby shower prep-rest
June 25) 30 minutes personal trainer
June 26) gardening and gym??

Oh Jillian

2011-06-18T23:59:00.002-04:00

picture source

Goals for the week of June 13-19

2011-06-14T11:15:00.001-04:00

Goals for the week of June 13-19
1) 5 fruits/veggies per day
2) Less than 1750 calories per day
3) Do the Biggest Loser Drills
Drill 1 - Count of Crunches = 100
Drill 2 - Count of Push-ups = 43
Drill 3 - Wall-Squat Hold Time = 1:02.44
Drill 4 - Arm Hold Time = 2:02.27
Drill 5 - 150 Step-ups Time = 6:27.38
Drill 6 - Plank Hold Time = 1:19.16
Drill 7 - Bridge Hold Time = 1:25.62
Drill 8 - Count of Cardio Exercise = didn't do jumping jacks. Need to talk to trainer first
4) Plan a healthy menu for next week (should I also add interesting b/c I've been a little bored lately with the food)
5) Go to the farmer's market
6) Get rid of the fruit flies brought in by the Wal-Mart bananas
7) Call CP about swimming

Movement June 13-19

2011-06-14T11:00:00.000-04:00

June 6-12
~~June 6) 30 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes circuit (45 elliptical, 20 stationary bike)~~
~~June 7) 90 minutes yoga (30 minutes cybex arc trainer, 20 minutes stationary bike)~~
~~June 8) DANCING-concert for Mumford & Sons!!! (30 minutes dancing, 20 minutes walking~~
~~June 9) 45 minutes elliptical (5k?) (65 minutes elliptical)~~
~~June 10) rest (try to slip in a little walk)~~
~~June 11) 60 minutes elliptical (30 mins elliptical, 30 minutes circuit)~~
June 12) 30 minutes stationary bike, 30 minutes weights-I was just too tired on Sunday.

June 13-19
~~June 13) 60 minutes yoga~~
June 14) 60 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes bike
June 15) 30 minutes elliptical after dinner with friends
June 16) dinner with friends-rest
June 17) Monkeyface graduates preschool-rest
June 18) 60 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes circuit
June 19) Free day but I really must get my butt to the gym-also it's father's day

Another busy week with lots of after work activities. I'm going to try my best to squeeze in the exercise but I also get that sometimes life takes over and I have to go with the flow.

Accomplishments!

2011-06-08T15:55:00.002-04:00

I didn't create a list of goals this week because I've been thinking that just for one week I was going to focus on what I can do instead of what I can't. Here's what I've been accomplishing lately:

1) I can easily do 60 minutes on the Precor Elliptical
2) I can easily do 45 minutes on the regular Elliptical
3) I can work out 4 days a week and get mad when my time has to be spent elsewhere
4) I can do the Cybex Arc Trainer for 30 minutes
5) I can eat less than 1750 calories per day for many consecutive days
6) I can remember to take my meds at night
7) My child notices when I am not going to the gym
8) My hubby doesn't have to ask if I'm going, because he knows that I am
9) I find myself bouncing around on my tiptoes which was something I could not do a few months ago
10) I get high fives from the guy behind the front desk at the gym
11) People are finally starting to notice
12) I can brag and mean it
13) I can fit into clothes that I bought last year in the hopes that I would fit in them
14) I can stand in poses in yoga that I've never been able to do
15) I have thrown away pants that just aren't right for me anymore

Oh yeah! I finally lost enough to get my Girl's beach weekend!!!

Movement June 6-12

2011-06-06T11:01:00.002-04:00

May 30-June 5
~~May 30) 65 minutes elliptical (averaging 15 minutes per mile yay!!)~~
~~May 31) 90 minutes yoga~~
~~June 1) rest~~
June 2) 30 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes circuit training
~~June 3) rest~~
June 4) 60 minutes elliptical
June 5) 30 minutes stationary bike

Wow! What a crazy week this last week was. Kingergarten orientation that lasted WAY longer than it should have, birthday party for my little one with 22 kids, preparing for the party, and utter exhaustion. I am tired and I am mad that I have not worked out at all this month. I have rested though. So since I just took a week off, I'm going to have to be careful this week and take it slow.

June 6-12
~~June 6) 30 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes circuit (45 elliptical, 20 stationary bike)~~
~~June 7) 90 minutes yoga (30 minutes cybex arc trainer, 20 minutes stationary bike)~~
~~June 8) DANCING-concert for Mumford & Sons!!! (30 minutes dancing, 20 minutes walking~~
~~June 9) 45 minutes elliptical (5k?) (65 minutes elliptical)~~
~~June 10) rest (try to slip in a little walk)~~
~~June 11) 60 minutes elliptical (30 mins elliptical, 30 minutes circuit)~~
June 12) 30 minutes stationary bike, 30 minutes weights

1064

2011-06-03T09:50:00.000-04:00

I logged 1064 minutes at the gym last month. That's almost 18 hours for those of you that don't want to do the math. Totally going to bust through that this month.

Triumph

2011-05-31T22:49:00.000-04:00

Tonight, for the first time in years and years and years (so many years that I can't remember how many years) I was able to do the stretch above without holding a wall. No struggling, no leaning, no grabbing my shoe and holding onto the inside of the back. I did this stretch standing on one leg and it was awesome!

Next goal-squats

Goals for the week of May 30-June 5

2011-05-30T22:28:00.001-04:00

Goals for the week of May 23-29
1) 3 fruits/veggies per day
2) On average-1750 calories per day
3) email personal trainer
4) make a trip to the farmer's market to stock up on some lovely fruit
~~5) Take all medications this week (it takes 28 days to make a habit)~~
6) Get the hula hoop off of the floor and moving on my hips
7) Measure/weigh all food this week

Whoa! Well I didn't realize that I didn't pay attention to my goals at all this week. Time to step it back up. I didn't lose any weight this week but I'm also incredibly bloated so I think that I will have a big weight loss this next week. I'm moving, that's for sure and making it to the gym is becoming second nature to me. This next week is focusing on food. I have a problem controlling my portions and just "eyeball" what I eat. My mantra this week is measure, measure, measure!!

Goals for the week of May 30-June 5
1) 3 fruits/veggies per day
2) On average-1750 calories per day
~~3) email personal trainer~~
4) make a trip to the farmer's market to stock up on some lovely fruit
5) Take Monkeyface out for bike rides this week
6) Try one new thing this week
7) Measure/weigh all food this week

Movement May 30-June 5

2011-05-30T22:23:00.001-04:00

May 23-29

~~May 23) 90 minutes of yoga~~
~~May 24) 45 minutes elliptical plus weights (30 minutes elliptical plus 30 minutes weights)~~
~~May 25) 30 minutes stationary bike (32 minutes elliptical, 28 minutes bike)~~
~~May 26) 30 minutes elliptical plus 30 minutes circuit training (30 minutes elliptical plus 24 treadmill)~~
May 27) situps 100am/100pm
May 28) 60 minutes elliptical
May 29) 30 minutes treadmill

I completely forgot that Saturday was spoken for and that I miss going to the gym. I was exhausted on Sunday so I opted to pass out on the couch for a few hours because it was needed. Still made it to the gym for 4 days this week and the guys behind the counter at the gym are starting to know my name.

May 30-June 5
~~May 30) 65 minutes elliptical (averaging 15 minutes per mile yay!!)~~
~~May 31) 90 minutes yoga~~
~~June 1) rest~~
June 2) 30 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes circuit training
June 3) rest
June 4) 60 minutes elliptical
June 5) 30 minutes stationary bike

Goals for the week of May 23-29

2011-05-23T00:27:00.000-04:00

Goals for the week of May 16-22
1) 5 fruits/veggies per day
2) On average-1750 calories per day
3) Schedule a personal training session at the gym so I can get reassessed and learn how to use the treadmill
~~4) Get party supplies for little one's birthday~~
~~5) Take all medications this week (it takes 28 days to make a habit)~~
6) Get the hula hoop off of the floor and moving on my hips
~~7) Get an exercise/stability ball for use at home~~

I really tried to get the hula hoop up and moving, however it just falls off over and over again. I'm going to watch a few videos and see if I can get this thing moving next week. Still working on food control. I'm not sure what to do about this so I'm going to brainstorm this next week.

Goals for the week of May 23-29
1) 3 fruits/veggies per day
2) On average-1750 calories per day
3) email personal trainer
4) make a trip to the farmer's market to stock up on some lovely fruit
5) Take all medications this week (it takes 28 days to make a habit)
6) Get the hula hoop off of the floor and moving on my hips
7) Measure/weigh all food this week

May 23-29 (movement)

2011-05-23T00:20:00.001-04:00

Week of May 16-22

~~May 16) 75 minutes of yoga~~
~~May 17) 30 minutes elliptical + 30 minutes circuit training~~
~~May 18) 40 minutes elliptical~~
~~May 19) Rest (done with pleasure!!)~~
May 20) Crunches (150AM/150PM)
~~May 21) 30 minutes elliptical + 30 minutes circuit training (60 minutes elliptical)~~
~~May 22) free day-whatever I feel like doing (just cleaned and didn't leave the house all day)~~

I feel like I spent this week breaking records. First 45 minutes on the elliptical, then a 12:12 mile on the elliptical, followed by a full hour on the elliptical. Elliptical, elliptical, elliptical....sometimes I feel like this machine is my best challenger. I can't wait to see what I'm going to do this next week.

May 23-29

~~May 23) 90 minutes of yoga~~
~~May 24) 45 minutes elliptical plus weights (30 minutes weight plus 30 minutes weights)~~
~~May 25) 30 minutes stationary bike (32 minutes elliptical, 28 minutes bike)~~
~~May 26) 30 minutes elliptical plus 30 minutes circuit training (30 minutes elliptical plus 24 treadmill)~~
May 27) situps 100am/100pm
May 28) 60 minutes elliptical
May 29) 30 minutes treadmill

Week 6

2011-05-16T16:32:00.000-04:00

Goals for the week of May 9-15
1) 5 fruits/veggies per day
~~2) On average-1750 calories per day~~
3) At least 15 minutes of activity every day this week
4) Get party supplies for little one's birthday
~~5) Take all medications this week (it takes 28 days to make a habit)~~
~~6) Figure out 5 new low calorie snacks that I can eat~~
~~7) Eat 5 yogurts this week~~

I definitely need to up my fruit & veggie intake so I'm really going to focus on this. I almost did 15 minutes of activity every day this week but I was just too exhausted yesterday. On average, I definitely did more than normal but I'm still not going to mark it off. Still need to get party supplies.

5 snacks:
1) loving the yogurts I've been trying for 100 calories or less each
2) string cheese with one piece of deli turkey wrapped around
3) Pretzels with mustard
4) Pistachios-totally worth the work
5) Skinny Cow Heavely crisp bar-YUM!

And I have been eating yogurt after my workouts and I've had no leg cramps this week except for the one day that I didn't eat one. So I suppose I'll be eating one of those every day I work out from now on. Lesson learned.

Goals for the week of May 16-22
1) 5 fruits/veggies per day
2) On average-1750 calories per day
3) Schedule a personal training session at the gym so I can get reassessed and learn how to use the treadmill
4) Get party supplies for little one's birthday
5) Take all medications this week (it takes 28 days to make a habit)
6) Get the hula hoop off of the floor and moving on my hips
7) Get an exercise/stability ball for use at home

Week of May 16-22 movement

2011-05-16T16:22:00.004-04:00

Week of May 9-15
~~May 9) elliptical-35 minutes/weights~~
~~May 10) Flow Yoga-90 minutes~~
~~May 11) gardening~~ (only 10 minutes but I made up for it!)
~~May 12) bike plus weights~~ (this day I made up for the lack of gardening and did 35 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes of circuit training.
May 13) 250 situps (125AM/125PM) TOO EXHAUSTED!!
~~May 14) elliptical plus weights~~ today I did 30 minutes of circuit training plus 15 minutes on the bike.
May 15) walk around the neighborhood (Spent most of my day at a wedding and then was just too tired to do anything else. I am listening to my body.)

Took off 3 lbs last week so I have BUSTED through my plateau. Here's to keeping it up this week. I'm also surprised that I was pissed that I couldn't work out on Wednesday. I'm suddenly turned into the woman that is obsessed with moving.

picture source

Week of May 16-22

~~May 16) 75 minutes of yoga~~
May 17) 30 minutes elliptical + 30 minutes circuit training
May 18) 40 minutes elliptical
May 19) Rest
May 20) Crunches (150AM/150PM)
May 21) 30 minutes elliptical + 30 minutes circuit training
May 22) free day-whatever I feel like doing

What is going on?

2011-05-12T11:04:00.000-04:00

I went to work in the garden last night and the plan was to work for an hour. My help was only needed for 10 minutes because the garden is looking SO good and doesn't need much love right now. It was great, I was able to rest but I was seething that I gave up a workout.
WHAT? I don't get mad at not being able to exercise. Who am I?

It's all about the Savasana

2011-05-11T10:51:00.000-04:00

Last night I did my first Vinyasa Yoga flow class. It was hard but wonderful. So many downward facing dogs and planks, but I did it. 90 minutes later I was on my home blissed out and thankful that I did do it.
Lots of people were able to do headstands but I'm not ready for that. One day soon, definitely. I aspire to do it but there is just no way that I have the core strength now to hold myself up and that's ok. I have a new goal :)

Movement this week

2011-05-09T00:10:00.003-04:00

Week of May 2-8
~~May 2) circuit training-30 minutes~~**
~~May 3) Yoga-60 minutes-30minutes cleaning~~
~~May 4) elliptcal-25 minutes (actually did 30)~~
~~May 5) circuit training-30 minutes (35 mins on elliptical, 15 on bike plus weights)~~
~~May 6) 200 situps (100AM/100PM)~~
~~May 7) Elliptical-25 minutes (actually did 32 plus 13 on the bike)~~
~~May 8) Cooking for Mother's Day~~
I have moved this week!!
**They shut down the circuit training at the gym while they renovate so I used the stationary bike for 30 minutes plus 30 minutes of weights

Week of May 9-15
~~May 9) elliptical-35 minutes/weights~~
~~May 10) Flow Yoga-90 minutes~~
Vinyasa/Flow

This is an energetic style of practice that connects the breath with a series of flowing postures. It will allow the student to build strength and increase flexibility, but most importantly to experience the full measure of santosha (contentment) at the conclusion of the practice. Focus will be on alignment principles, building strength, breathing techniques and meditation/mindfulness.
May 11) gardening
May 12) bike plus weights
May 13) 250 situps (125AM/125PM)
May 14) elliptical plus weights
May 15) walk around the neighborhood

Week 5

2011-05-08T14:45:00.000-04:00

Goals for the week of May 2-8
~~1) Minimum 64 oz water per day~~
~~2) No fast food (not even in a pinch-everything planned!)~~
~~3) On average-1750 calories per day~~
~~4) Get rid of 12 items from the kitchen~~
~~5) Take all medications this week (I almost always forget at night)~~
~~6) At least 10 minutes of activity every day this week (does not have to be the gym)~~
7) 5 fruits/veggies per day

Wow! What a great week. I am so proud of myself. Apparently as my best friend told me, "if I can cross it off a list, by God I will do it." Planning my workouts really worked for me. I was completely exhausted on Monday so I was out by 815pm but after the weekend I had I obviously needed the rest. Otherwise, I did some sort of exercise every day. It's been a great way to keep my late night snacking under control since I go to the gym between 730 and 8pm and stay at least 45 minutes to an hour. I'm still having problems keeping my calories where they should be and making wise choices so I'm really going to focus on that next week.

Goals for the week of May 9-15
1) 5 fruits/veggies per day
2) On average-1750 calories per day
3) At least 15 minutes of activity every day this week
4) Get party supplies for little one's birthday
5) Take all medications this week (it takes 28 days to make a habit)
6) Figure out 5 new low calorie snacks that I can eat
7) Eat 5 yogurts this week

May challenge

2011-05-04T11:28:00.009-04:00

~~4. Do something that makes you feel strong. (May 9)~~
~~5. Do something that makes you feel free. (May 16)~~
~~6. Do something that makes you smell really bad. (may 8)~~
~~7. Do something that makes you think hard about your goals. (May 13)~~
~~8. Do more than you think you can handle. (may 7)~~
~~9. Do something to release excess tension/stress/anger. (May 10)~~
~~10. Do something you can brag about later. (May 18)~~
~~11. Do something right for all the wrong reasons. (May 15)~~
12. Workout at a different time than usual.
~~13. Do something that makes you feel like a gladiator. (May 17)~~
~~14. Work on your core.(May 6)~~
~~15. Surprise yourself. (May 19)~~
~~16. REST (May 11)~~
~~17. Break a personal record. (May 14)~~
18. Workout first thing in the morning.
~~19. Add 15 minutes. (May 5)~~
~~20. Workout your lower body. (May 4)~~
21. Do something that makes you feel sexy or beautiful.
~~22. GO HARD OR GO HOME. (May 12)~~
~~23. REST (May 20)~~
~~24. Break a personal record. (May 21)~~
25. STRETCH longer than normal.
26. Mid-Week super killer cardio day!
27. Practice your balance.
28. Pushups.
29. Obliterate your brick wall.
30. Enjoy the holiday.
31. Make a JUNE plan.

I pulled this list from a blog I really like. You know I love a good list and I really like that it is open ended. I'm not going to do it day by day but by what calls out to me that day. I also need to print this and put it somewhere I can see it every day.

Go make your life worth loving

2011-05-02T12:36:00.000-04:00

I read this last week and it's sticking with me. I do love my life. I have a great family, great husband, and kid. I live below my means and I'm almost out of debt. My house was a great deal and I have no intention of moving any time soon (even though my neighbors suck!). My point is, I have enough. I am loved and sheltered and fed.
It's not that I'm unhappy, I just feel like I could be giving so much more-to myself and to others. The thing is...I'm so tired of hearing people complain. Something has clicked inside of me and I'm done with the complaining. I see all that I have vs what I don't have and I'm content. Then I wonder, should I be content? Should I strive for more? Not material possessions more, but more spirituality, more volunteer work, more weight loss? Is it ok to be content? God, if I could lose these 100 lbs, seriously, I don't know who I would be. As much as I love my life now, I couldn't imagine it if I could actually keep up. If I could actually sky dive, horseback ride, run, bike, etc. HRmmm...I know I'm rambling but this is how I think. Now off to think some more.

Week 4

2011-05-02T12:33:00.000-04:00

Goals for the week of April 25-31
~~1) Minimum 64 oz water per day~~
2) Get to the gym 3 times this week
~~3) On average-1750 calories per day~~
~~4) Get rid of clothes too small for the little one~~
5) Yoga twice this week
6) At least 10 minutes of activity every day this week
7) 5 fruits/veggies per day

I know that setting goals is an important part of weight loss. I am down almost 50 lbs from my highest pre-pregnancy weight. I don't count the pregnancy weight since I gained 30 lbs with that which I lost immediately after having the baby almost 5 years ago. Whew! Almost 5 years ago. It is amazing to me...ok back to goals. I know they are important and I think about them all week but then life gets in the way. I'm glad they are here and that I take the time to reflect on them each week because it gives me time to think about what I am doing and why I'm not reaching them. It's weird but I'm not beating myself up this time. I'm not angry that it's not coming off fast this time b/c I am still losing 2 lbs on average per week. I'm down almost 40 lbs since I started losing weight last year and I've kept it off. That in itself is amazing. So I'm going to lighten up on the goals this week and accomplish them all. I want to come back here next Monday feeling accomplished with no excuses.

Goals for the week of May 2-8
1) Minimum 64 oz water per day
2) No fast food (not even in a pinch-everything planned!)
3) On average-1750 calories per day
4) Get rid of 12 items from the kitchen
5) Take all medications this week (I almost always forget at night)
6) At least 10 minutes of activity every day this week (does not have to be the gym)
7) 5 fruits/veggies per day

2011-04-26T12:59:00.002-04:00

Go make your life worth loving.

Week 3 check-in

2011-04-24T22:10:00.001-04:00

Goals for the week of April 18-24
1) In bed before 1130pm
2) Get to the gym 3 times this week
~~3) On average-1750 calories per day~~
~~4) Get rid of the goodwill clutter~~
5) Yoga twice this week
6) At least 10 minutes of activity every day this week
7) 5 fruits/veggies per day

I did the best I could this week. That 24 hour bug really knocked me down. I rarely get sick so this one really took its toll. However, I got rid of the clutter so I'm happy. I'm not going to dwell on what I wasn't able to do. New week, new accomplishments.

Goals for the week of April 25-31
1) Minimum 64 oz water per day
2) Get to the gym 3 times this week
3) On average-1750 calories per day
4) Get rid of clothes too small for the little one
5) Yoga twice this week
6) At least 10 minutes of activity every day this week
7) 5 fruits/veggies per day

24 hour bug

2011-04-19T16:17:00.001-04:00

My hubby came home sick from work on Saturday. Apparently I caught his 24 hour bug 2 days later. Yesterday was horrible but I'm almost back to normal now. Makes it very difficult to exercise but I am well rested. No yoga tonight which I kinda hate because I really love it but there is no way I can hold myself up. I was too weak to slide open my phone to return a text last night. No way I'm doing downward dog.

New week, new goals

2011-04-17T23:05:00.001-04:00

Goals for April 11-17:
1) Get in bed by 1130pm
2) See the inside of the gym three times this week
3) Get the clutter (goodwill clothes) out of my bedroom
~~4) One walk around the lake this week~~
~~5) Take Monkeyface out this week for an activity with me~~
6) Stay under 1750 calories per day (on average)
7) 8 fruits & veggies per day

Get in bed by 1130pm. I did this more often that not just because I made it a goal. Friday night kept me up and talking. Yesterday presented the opportunity for a 3 hour nap so I was up later than normal. I'm going to make it a goal again this week b/c I was so close to doing it.

I did not make it to the gym three times this week because I had the opportunity for a sexy date night with the hubby. After yoga on Tuesday and a walk around the lake on Wednesday, my body was killing me. I took Thursday off and relaxed. However, I did make it to the gym on Saturday which was great. I'll take what I did this week b/c I was more active than I've been in a while. However, I'm going to try to make it to the gym 3 times this next week.

No excuse for not removing the clutter. I need to get right on that!!!

No dining out this week other than dinner on Friday. I need to control the calories.

Goals for the week of April 18-24
1) In bed before 1130pm
2) Get to the gym 3 times this week
3) On average-1750 calories per day
4) Get rid of the goodwill clutter
5) Yoga twice this week
6) At least 10 minutes of activity every day this week
7) 5 fruits/veggies per day

Yoga=ouch!

2011-04-13T10:30:00.002-04:00

Dear Yoga,
You kiced my ass again last night. Who knew that I had muscles in my rear end? We did yoga against a wall. Downward dog with our toes on the wall-my poor little wrists begging for mercy. I was able to lift one leg up onto the wall even though it wasn't very high. Doesn't matter that I couldn't stay that way long. What matters is that I did it. Twice! Once for each leg. I did a modified pigeon pose. I did downward dogs, then planks, then downward dogs again. I did warrior poses and held my leg up in the air longer and straighter than last week. You will not thwart me! I feel stronger than I have in years. I'll take the 2 days of pain. I'll take the stares of disbelief in my class as I hoist my 291 lb body up and down with all the physically fit.
Yoga-you will not beat me. You just make me want to try harder!

Weekly check-in

2011-04-11T10:09:00.002-04:00

Goals for the week of April 4-10:
~~1) Drink 64oz of water per day~~
2) Walk around a lake twice this week
~~3) One other form of 30 minute exercise this week~~
~~4) Get a battery for my pedometer~~
~~5) Stay under 1750 calories per day this week~~
6) In bed by 11pm
~~7) Make a pot of steel cut oats for breakfasts this week~~

Well I'd have to say that 5 out of 7 ain't bad for me. I knew I would have a problem with getting in bed by 11pm so that one stays for this week as well. Maybe I should change it to 1130pm because it is getting easier to do that. I do know that since I've been exercising, sleep has been so much better. Of course it sucks when your kid leaves his helium balloon in the room and you suddenly wake up from a horrible dream because you think helicopters are attacking you. In actuality it was just the ceiling fan hitting the balloon over and over again.

Walking around the lake twice this week wasn't met either and I'm ok with that. I walked around the neighborhood, took a yoga class, and circuit trained. By Saturday I was exhausted. I spent 3 hours shopping and prepping food for this next week. Our refrigerator has never looked so good. Packed to the gills with yogurt, hummus, homemade ranch dip, carrots, grapes, oranges, etc. Saturday afternoon I hit a wall and couldn't bring myself to do anything but fold laundry and make dinner. Good thing hubby came home and with his last burst of energy, vacuumed and straightened the living room.

Goals for April 11-17:
1) Get in bed by 1130pm
2) See the inside of the gym three times this week
3) Get the clutter (goodwill clothes) out of my bedroom
4) One walk around the lake this week
5) Take Monkeyface out this week for an activity with me
6) Stay under 1750 calories per day (on average)
7) 8 fruits & veggies per day

2011-04-08T10:12:00.001-04:00

I did not eat the cheesecake this week. They served it for 2 days. I did not eat the danishes or the doughnuts. I did not eat the tortilla around my soft taco. I did not snack at night. I went to the gym instead.
I also have not walked around the lake but I still have 3 days to get on that. I took a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood, a 60 minute yoga class, 30 minutes of circuit training and 15 minutes of cycling. Why do I ever not exercise?

Beyond expectations

2011-04-06T10:58:00.002-04:00

Goals for the week of April 4-10:
1) Drink 64oz of water per day
2) Walk around a lake twice this week
~~3) One other form of 30 minute exercise this week~~
~~4) Get a battery for my pedometer~~
5) Stay under 1750 calories per day this week
6) In bed by 11pm
7) Make a pot of steel cut oats for breakfasts this week

I went to the gym last night for an hour long yoga class. It kicked my butt in ways I didn't know possible. I can feel the muscles in the back of my legs and arms. I forgot I had these but now that I can feel them, it's kinda awesome. I also forgot how amazing I feel afterwards. Completely relaxed and almost unable to talk coherently. It's safe to say that it's a little piece of bliss.
I'm also remembering how well my body responds when I start listening to it. I love having my mind and body in tune with one another instead of constantly battling. It's so exhausting to want to do something but continuously talking yourself out of it. Then the guilt...oh the guilt that follows because you aren't doing what you long to do. Why do I forget how much I hate excuses? I need to remind myself of this constantly. Think I'll sticky note my house.

Restarting my life

2011-04-04T11:14:00.002-04:00

I think I'm going to have to ignore that people I know read this thing. I really need to write down what is going on in my head as I restart my weight loss journey.
I think I found it this weekend. It being my motivation. I was watching my son at gymnastics and I started thinking about the example I set for him. I make sure that he exercises at least 45-60 minutes per day but I don't do the same for myself. I make him choose healthy snacks such as fruit, string cheese, and yogurt but I don't do the same for myself. Why do I treat my son like he is worth more than I am? It hit me this weekend that I am not a good example. I'm doing the same thing my parents did and I always resented them for it. "Do as I say, not as I do" was something my mom said to me time and time again. I hated that they weren't being the example of what they expected of me. I'm not going to be the same.
I'm taking it slow and easy. I had kept my weight off up until the last 2 months and I've gained 7 of the 37lbs I lost. I'm taking those off plus 53 more at least by my birthday in October. I'm making 7 goals a week and trying my absolute best to abide by those.

Goals for the week of April 4-10:
1) Drink 64oz of water per day
2) Walk around a lake twice this week
3) One other form of 30 minute exercise this week
4) Get a battery for my pedometer
5) Stay under 1750 calories per day this week
6) In bed by 11pm
7) Make a pot of steel cut oats for breakfasts this week

That should be simple enough to accomplish and keep me on track. Little goals, little steps, little by little it will come off.

Taking it all in

2011-03-22T19:17:00.002-04:00

It's 713pm on Tuesday, March 22. I've just finished cooking brinner (my kid's request). My four year old devoured 5 pieces of sausage, 3 eggs, and cheese grits. I'm wondering how I'm going to feed him this one when he's 11 going on 17. We're chilling out after a round of gymnastics and laughing. Little one is curled up next to his dad, leg draped over him as we all watch Dora the Explorer. It's kinda beautiful and I'm glad I stopped to take it all in.

What do you do when...?

2011-03-17T14:14:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I need someone to be there for me. Sometimes I hate having to be the one to keep it all together. Sometimes I hate being the one with the smile on my face. Sometimes I need advice. Sometimes I just need someone to listen. Sometimes I just need someone to hold my hand and be quiet with me.
I feel a little lost lately. Like, I want to find answers but I don't even really know what the questions are. I feel like I'm just walking around in a huge circle and I want to hop off but I'm not sure how that is supposed to happen. I feel a huge calling back to my faith but I don't know how to go back to it. I've avoided it for so long and while organized religion is not necessarily for me, I do want to find a like minded, social justice motivated community of support. I miss having in depth, soul changing conversations. I miss having something to say other than "tired" when someone asks me how I am.
The truth is, I am tired. So, so tired.

Your moment of random today

2011-03-14T21:10:00.000-04:00

I was standing by the stove tonight preparing dinner when suddenly I heard the back door open. I look up and saw a dog run into the house. Out loud I exclaim, "Oh! There's a dog in my house." I took off running to close the bedroom door where my hubby and little one were sleeping while the dog was running crazily around the house. I felt like I was stuck inside The Christmas Story.
All of a sudden a guy from the neighborhood stuck his head in the door and asked if I'd seen his dog. I said, "Yeah there's a dog in my house" so he darts in and tries to catch her. That didn't work either and she ran out of the house, through the back yard, around the front, and eventually across the creek and one street over.
Guess I've learned to shut my back door completely.

I feel like I should write this down

2011-02-23T12:12:00.000-05:00

Monkeyface is in pre-school and every day I get a report on what he did with the class and then one little snippet about what he did as an individual.
On Monday Monkeyface and his friends took paddles, turned them into guitars, and proceeded to serenade one of the girls in the class. When I asked the teacher who it was, Monkeyface screamed out the girl's name. I asked him what she looked like and he said that she had long, yellow hair.

Oh Lord

Kindness-word of the year

2011-01-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

Body
1) Eat nourishing food
I know this needs to be done and I need to take the time to plan my breakfasts and lunches as well as my dinners. I get so rushed at work sometimes that I forget to eat and then I'm starving so I just have a co-worker pick me up fast food. This does my body no good.

2) Move, move, move
I have a goal to walk a 5K this year as well as run one mile without stopping. That's a huge undertaking at my size and I need to start moving to do it. Working until 7pm is not the way to do it but this also the time of year that I earn most of my money. I have to set aside some time to at least move 15 minutes a day.

3) Solo dance party at least once a week, maybe more
I think it will do my body and soul some good to sneak away for a solo dance party every once in a while. I used to do it all the time before I was married. I miss it.

Mind
1) Read 50 books this year
I love to read more than any other activity in this world. I could lose myself in a book all day ever day if I had the time. I want to carve out at least 30 minutes a day to read. I miss reading as much as I used to.

2) Silence
I am surround by words all day long. I hear them, I write them, I read them, I speak them. I need to spend more time appreciating the lack of them. I am going to actively seek out comfortable silences. I'm going to spend some time closing my eyes and relaxing with absolutely no sound. I'm going to spend more time driving around listening to nothing.

Life
1) Simplify
I'm getting rid of clothes that I hope to never wear again. I'm getting rid of books that I'm never going to read again. I need to get rid of toys that are never going to be played with again. I'm tired of having so much stuff taking up my valuable space.

2) Organize
I desperately need functional furniture in our house. I need a dining room table that can hold more than 4 people comfortably. I need bookshelves for all of my child's lovely books. He deserves to have his toys "put in nice places" as he likes to tell me.

Marriage
1) Plan date nights
My hubby consistently amazes me by what he knows about me. Sometimes I feel like that I need to know him a little better. I'm going to try to schedule one date night a month. I'm going to need some help with this one but I also think I'll be just as happy if we order some take out and play a card game at home.

2) Speak well
Rarely will you hear me speak ill of my husband. I find that the little things don't bother me as much as the larger things amaze me. However, I do find myself snapping at him or passively aggressively insulting him when I am tired or upset. I'm going to try to take a moment to breathe and think before I speak. It's necessary.

Son
1) More planned activities
I used to plan things that we could do on the weekends but I have slipped out of that mode. I need to get back into that and plan at least one fun activity per day on the weekend. Memories need to be made.

2) More outdoor time
Now that he can actually walk for a mile, it's time we spend more time walking and exploring outside.

Friends
1) Birthday cards
I love getting and sending mail. I'm going to spend time thinking of my friends and sending them mail. Who doesn't love getting real mail?

2) More one on one time
I love my friends dearly but we always congregate and rarely spend time alone. My time is the most valuable thing to me and it's time I share a little more of it.

I have a few ideas for random acts of kindness. I love doing these. I'm also going to involve my son this year.

Golden Pork Chops

2011-01-08T00:23:00.003-05:00

INGREDIENTS

* 3 pork chops
* 1/8 teaspoon seasoned salt
* 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* 1/2 onion, chopped
* 1/4 cup fresh sliced mushrooms (or one 4 oz can)
* 1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed golden mushroom soup

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Rinse pork chops, pat dry and place them in a 9x13 inch baking dish.
3. In a separate small bowl, combine the onion, mushrooms and soup. Mix together well and spoon over the chops.
4. Cover and bake at 375 degrees F for 45 minutes, then uncover and bake for 15 more minutes. (Note: Time could be less or more depending on the thickness of the chops.) Pork chops are done when their internal temperature has reached 160 degrees F

Reverb 14-Appreciate

2010-12-29T17:56:00.000-05:00

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

My canasta ladies. These girls are the light of my life. We are all so completely different on many levels, but when we get together, it's the highlight of my week.
I express gratitude for it by reminding them how much I love them from time to time.

Reverb 13-Action

2010-12-29T17:54:00.001-05:00

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

Focus on being kind to myself. Lose 60 more lbs. Be kind to myself while losing 60 lbs.

Reverb 12-Body Integration

2010-12-29T17:53:00.000-05:00

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

I guess it still comes back to the snorkeling trip when all I could think to do was practice my breathing so that I knew I was alive. I was totally focused on counting my breaths and remember thinking, "If I'm breathing, I'm alive" over and over again.
Who knew such a tiny little moment in my life could have such a huge impact?

Reverb-11 things

2010-12-25T00:28:00.000-05:00

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1) 60 lbs
2) books that I don't read/have already read
3) clothes that I haven't worn in over a year
4) extra jackets
5) clothes that belonged to my toddler
6) snide comments made to my husband
7) the amount owed on my car
8) guilt
9) hours spent watching TV
10)my current computer
11)the clutter in my bedroom

I'll eliminate most of this by giving it away. What I can't give away, I'll pay off, and in the case of my computer, I'll buy. Guilt is a hard thing to get rid of but I need to learn to say no and be ok with that.

I already feel lighter just by writing all of this down. I can't imagine how I'll feel once I actually eliminate some of this.

Reverb 10-Wisdom

2010-12-25T00:06:00.002-05:00

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

The wisest decision I made this year was deciding to back off. Not everyone needs me to fix them. What they need is support for the decisions they do make.

Reverb 10-Party

2010-12-25T00:04:00.000-05:00

Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans

Well it's kinda hard to narrow it down to just one get together. I had a fabulous time on my birthday, on the night I went to Neptune's, and when I went to see Vampire Weekend. Almost all of these involved dancing, all of these involved Karla. I just had a good time having fun in general this year. If feels good to go out dancing even though my body doesn't recover like it used to.

Why you wish my BFF was yours....but she ain't

2010-12-23T23:27:00.003-05:00

a) She is fierce
b) She is loyal to a fault
c) She can rock all hair colors
d) She has the biggest heart of anyone I know and isn't ashamed of it being on her sleeve
e) She doles out the best nicknames
f) She is a good travel buddy
g) You are guaranteed to have a good time in her presence
h) I can spend the day with her doing absolutely nothing and that is a great day
i) In a past life she was a Rockette
j) She gives great music
k) She is a numismatist (look it up!)
l) She is flawed and not afraid to admit it
m) My kid adores her
n) She is super freaking creative
o) She is the one that gets the dance party started
p) She pushes me out of my comfort zone
q) She is a soft place to land
r) We have laughed so hard together that I've had to pull over and stop driving
s) We think we are brilliant and you should too
t) She writes me beautiful prose
u) She points things out to me about myself that I would have never noticed. Things that should be noticed. Things that should have been noticed and pointed out a long time ago.
v) She would give you the coat off her back if you really needed it
w) She lifts people up way higher than they lift her
x) If you don't have anything nice to say, she'll come sit by you
y) She makes terrific french toast
z) She is an astounding player of the "Six degrees of U2" game we created
1) She has a beautiful singing voice
2) She should be on stage-I keep hoping she'll make this happen
3) She's crafty
4) She is always up for a road trip
5) Take her to Vegas
6) She would help me move a body
7) I don't think she's ever judged me but she's probably judging you
8) She is a great conversationalist
9) I love taking her to musicals
10) She is all about social justice as a lifestyle
11) She is a big believer in forgiveness
12) Sometimes I think that she purposely has hooker nails because she knows how much I hate them
13) She is nothing, but if consistent
14) All you need is love and she has plenty to go around

Rever 10-Beautifully Different

2010-12-16T22:43:00.000-05:00

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

My laugh is huge. Really huge. There is no stifling it.

I suffered from strabismus when I was a toddler. It took me years to be able to look people in the eye w/o being self-conscious. Now I think that my eyes are one of the most beautiful things about me.

I can clap louder than most people

I also have mad rhythm

Reverb 10-Community

2010-12-16T22:33:00.000-05:00

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

On my birthday I looked around at the women surrounding me and realized that I have never felt more love for a group of friends. I love each of them differently and dearly and my life is better for having them in it. It's been a long time since I've felt that way and it feels really good to know that there are people out there that would help me when I need it.

I would love to meet up with a frugal, fun loving community. I would also enjoy finding a religious community that believed more in social justice and less about rules.

Rever 10-Make

2010-12-16T22:29:00.001-05:00

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I suppose the last thing I made was banana butterscotch muffins. I'm really into baking now that it's cold. Last artistic thing I made was earlier this year when I made a necklace charm that started out as a sheet of metal.

I suppose I should add that I did make a blog for my niece where I teach her about music. I have to post one entry a week for at least a year.

I want to make orgami and I want to take a beading class. Just waiting for the right one to come along.

Reverb 10-Let Go

2010-12-16T22:27:00.000-05:00

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I let go of 40 lbs because I decided it was time to do so. It was time to start living healthier. It was time to get ready to ride a bike with my kid. Now I'm signed up to rappel down a building next year. I've got to get ready for that too.

Reverb 10- Wonder

2010-12-11T00:50:00.000-05:00

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I learned to let the universe love me and to show others that the universe loved them. I took a few e-courses over the year that taught me a lot about myself & about what I wanted out of life. I learned to see the world as a place full of love and kindness and I am determined to put those two things out into the world. I find that the more I give, the more I open myself up to receive.

Reverb 10-Moment

2010-12-11T00:47:00.000-05:00

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

It would have to be the moment that I regained control of my thoughts, actions, and breath while trying to snorkel. I just remember being so scared in that moment. When I suffered my congestive heart failure after the birth of my child, the most vivid detail in my mind to this day is feeling like I was drowning. The moment I hit the water with the fins and mask on I flashed back to that. In my head I was screaming, "I'm drowning!" "I can't breathe!" "I'm going to die!" I completely lost it to the point that I was kicking sea turtles and fighting my way back to the boat. I remember clutching the side of the boat with all my might and my legs were being swept under and no matter what I did I couldn't keep my head up. My child was asking "What's wrong Mommy!" and in that moment Karla told me I was having a panic attack. As soon as I could put a name on it I snapped out of it. I knew that I couldn't let my child see me like that and that I had to regain control. I grabbed onto the emergency flotation device that the dive master was holding, put my mask back on, and let him pull me around. I remember thinking "as long as I'm breathing, I'm alive" "as long as I'm breathing, I'm alive". I kept counting my breaths. Inhale for 10, exhale for 10, over and over. Being in the water and watching the fish and turtles was amazing. It looked like the reef was breathing under the water and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I wouldn't do it again but I am so proud of myself for being able to push through it.

Reverb 10-Writing

2010-12-11T00:40:00.001-05:00

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
I'm not really a writer so I'm just going to say that life happens.

Reverb '10-One Word

2010-12-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the world to be that captures 2011?

My word of the year back in January was beyond. I think I have done a great job pushing myself beyond what I'm used to. I've lost 40 lbs since April 5. I took a fantastic trip to Belize where I snorkeled & worked myself through a panic attack (thanks for identifying that for me Karla). I held a very large snake so that my child could pet it. I signed up to rappel down the Wachovia building downtown next year. I bought and now faithfully wear black boots. I embraced being a soccer mom. The list could seriously go on and on.

I'm currently working on my 2011 word. I can't decide if I want it to be transcendent which means extending or lying beyond the limits of ordinary experience or if I want it to be balance because I could really use some of that as well. I still have 21 days to think about it.

I'm late by 10 days beginning these writing prompts but I'm going to try to answer as many of these as I can. You can read more about the idea here.

Beans and Rice with Smoked Sausage And Bananas

2010-12-08T11:33:00.000-05:00

Ingredients
2 cn (15 1/2 ounce) black beans
1 Onion, coarsely chopped
3 Cloves garlic, chopped
1 tb Olive oil (or more)
2 c Chicken broth
1/2 ts Ground cumin
1/2 ts Curry powder
1/8 ts Dried oregano
1 Jalapeno, minced
2 c Long-grain rice
2 tb Chopped cilantro
2 c Canned tomatoes, coarsely
1 pk (10 ounce) frozen peas
1 lb Smoked sausage, sliced
3 Underripe bananas
2 tb Unsalted butter

Instructions
Saute onion and garlic in 1 tablespoon olive oil until softened; add to beans along with broth, cumin, curry, oregano, jalapeno, rice, cilantro and tomatoes. Cover and cook over medium-low heat until rice is barely tender, about 15 minutes. Add peas, cover, and set aside. Brown sausage slices in a skillet, adding a tiny bit of olive oil if necessary. Remove from pan and mix into rice. Slice bananas; and saute in butter until lightly browned. Serve rice and beans surrounded by bananas. Serves 6

Linking this up to Eat at Home today.

What brings me joy

2010-11-02T00:02:00.000-04:00

*messy bed head that actually looks good
*laughing with my son
*a good, long hot shower
*front porch conversations
*writing lists
*a long yoga class
*an hour and a half massage
*dancing like a fool
*reading a really really good book
*watching a great live music show
*napping in a hammock
*windows down, music blaring, singing at the top of my lungs in the car
*bonfires
*checking things off my lists
*my son waking me up every morning with a kiss
*soup
*30 minutes on the elliptical
*making something that tastes so good my hubby smiles
*hearing my hubby laugh like a little girl
*good music
*pregnant bellies
*walking on the beach
*pedicures
*coloring in a coloring book
*baking with butterscotch chips
*mixed tapes
*drum circles
*life changing conversations
*Natasha Wescoat's art
*exploring
*listen to someone talk about their passion
*witty banter
*solving a word jumble
*belly laughs
*smiles
*playing the piano (and oh how i miss it)
*tomato soup & grilled cheese sandwiches
*dining by candlelight

I could keep this up all night but I'll stop for now

Her Morning Elegance

2010-10-21T19:19:00.002-04:00

This makes me beyond happy

2010-10-06T15:59:00.003-04:00

37 before I'm 38

2010-10-04T00:08:00.006-04:00

37 before I'm 38:
1. Write a 100+ Things I'd Like to Do Before I Go list
2. Make orgami of some sort
3. Take a jewelry making/beading class
~~4. Pay off car~~ May 2011
5. Lose 100 lbs from where I originally started
6. ~~Own a pair of black boots~~ October 2010
7. wear heels
8. Go to a movie alone
9. ~~Wear a dress~~ October 2010
10. Visit an accupuncturist
~~11. Walk a 5k~~ May 2011
12. Take Monkeyface to an aquarium
13. Do a Miranda July project
14. Send out 12 surprise packages to the unsuspecting
15. take a solo trip to the beach
16. Wear my hair in pigtails
17. Teach Monkeyface to fly a kite
18. Run a mile without stopping
19. Read one classic novel per month
a) Their Eyes Were Watching God
b) A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
c) Love in the Time of Cholera
20. Visit Ikea again
21. Wear my hair straight once
22. Have a family portrait taken
23. Take Monkeyface to the beach for the day
24. Take Monkeyface to a drum circle
25. Have a great conversation with a complete stranger
26. ~~Get a new camera~~ (October '10)
27. Take a photography class
28. sneak away for the weekend with the hubby
29. get rid of treadmill
30. Plant something in my yard
31. Get a bed for the guest bedroom
32. Get a bookshelf for Monkeyface's room
33. Do a headstand
34. Buy a piece of Natasha Wescoat art
35. Rappel down Wachovia building
36. Entertain a group of friends at my house
37. Skydive with hubby

Hello old friend

2010-09-27T12:31:00.000-04:00

I love autumn. It's when I feel most alive. It's when I want to be outside looking at all the colors. It's when I feel my most creative.
I read something recently that won't get out of my head.
Those nagging ideas that won’t leave us alone, the places where we feel jealous, the urges we have to create something we have no business creating, they are all there to guide us, to take us somewhere interesting.
This is one of my biggest truths. Right now my creativity has to do with activity. Normally I feel the need to create something. This year I'm feeling the need to recreate me. I want to be outside walking, jumping in big puddles, jumping out of planes. I want to create a home where I feel alive and not stifled by the things I've accumulated over the years. Things that no longer have anything to do with the person I'm becoming. Things that make me angry b/c I don't have the storage for them. Clothes that are becoming too big, art that just doesn't suit me, toys that no longer work for my child. I need to get my hands dirty & I need to plant something.
I'm ready to go somewhere interesting. I'm ready to stop being jealous and start doing.
Now if I could find somewhere to dance outside by a big 'ol bonfire, I think the hippie in me would explode.

Balsamic Black Bean Salsa

2010-09-22T18:48:00.002-04:00

This is some of the best salsa I've ever made. It's delicious on chips and by itself. Every time I make it people ask for the recipe

Black eyed pea casserole

2010-09-22T18:45:00.001-04:00

You should totally try this

Wow! Sitting here pondering...

2010-09-02T21:56:00.000-04:00

I think this pretty much sums up my largest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

~ Maryanne Williamson

What I believe about love.

2010-08-30T12:35:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about love and how loving affects our lives ever since I returned from Belize.
I believe that love makes us kinder.
I am constantly doing things behind the scenes for the people I love. They may or may not know it is me but I try to bring a little magic to everyone's life. I am also trying my best to extend this to strangers. Everyone can use a smile and you never know if that is the exact moment when they needed it most. I don't ever want to say or do anything that will disappoint my husband or child.
I believe that love makes us more patient than we ever thought possible
I easily answer 100 questions per day. I don't necessarily enjoy it but I know that it helps with growth and development. I can also take a deep breath and easily ride out a tantrum or anger riddled conversation. I never knew patience until I knew the love for a child.
I believe that love makes us brilliant
My best friend is currently doing on of the most brilliant things I've ever heard about all in the name of love. We should all love so much that we are able to put aside our fears and do something brilliant.
I believe that love makes us creative
Whether it be an inexpensive date night, a creative postcard, or a sexy text, love takes creativity. It's easy to be distracted by the day to day tasks but I think it is essential to a relationship that you creatively love. I enjoy painting with my son. I enjoy listening to the jokes that my husband comes up with just so he can tell me. I enjoy creating items for others and if I actually had any follow through people would be amazed.
Love makes you an advocate
I am a judger. I can't help it. I size up every situation and proceed with caution. I judge people based on their decisions and how it affects my life. However, I am learning to keep most of my opinions to myself because everyone deserves to live the life they need to live without me constantly correcting them. I will fight for you and what you want. I will also have your back.
Love makes you a better person
Our relationships are a mirror. They reflect back to us exactly what we put into them. If you make love your choice then love is reflected back. I am a better person because of those I love.
I believe more and more every day that love makes us brave.
I did a couple of things that I consider amazing there all because I love my son and I promised myself that this year would be about moving beyond my comfort zone.

Revelation

2010-08-29T23:20:00.001-04:00

sit down,
i have bad news.
i am not always right.
i do not always have the answers,
i can not always fix things.
i may not always know what to do.
but here is the good news: i will always try.
i will try because i want your way
to be simple.
i want your world to be safe.
i want your life to be filled with
goodness and grace.

all mothers want these things for their sons,
but mothers are not in charge.
so we fight however we can:
with our voices,
our votes,
our valor.
our ammunition
is love;
our inspiration
is you.

--jayne jaudon ferrer

Belize did something to me

2010-08-24T12:08:00.002-04:00

It mellowed me out or something.
When the a/c died again yesterday I didn't freak out for the first time ever. I just thought...well it's no worse than being at Chaa Creek...too bad I don't have a pool. Normally I would have gotten angry & would have taken it out on my hubby. I know it's completely irrational but I hate being hot. I hate sweating and I hate feeling like I'm melting.
It really wasn't bad last night & was actually kinda refreshing to sit around with the windows open and listen to the rain.

Woo-Hoo from my cardiologist!

2010-08-24T12:06:00.000-04:00

When my 4 year old son was born I experienced congestive heart failure a few days later. That's another blog I have posted earlier if you would like to read about the experience. Yesterday I went it for my yearly follow-up and my cardiologist actually shouted "woo-hoo!" My cholosterol has dropped from 232 to 190(no longer high). My triglycerides from 195-144 (lowest it's ever been since I've had it tested), my LDL has dropped 30 points as well.
So the scale is not dropping as quickly as I would like for it too but now I know I'm doing something right.
Woo-Hoo!

20 things I believe

2010-08-04T13:29:00.001-04:00

1. I believe that most people in the world are generally good, and that those who aren't are hurting or damaged or have been badly mistreated at some point in their lives. But I believe they can heal. I believe we all can.

2. I believe that everyone -- everyone -- is wildly, uncommonly beautiful. I believe that while it's usually extremely easy to see this in the people we love, it's often very difficult to see it in ourselves. But the beauty's there, man. It's definitely there.

3. I believe that dancing is the only activity we do for complete happiness.

4. I believe that goat cheese combined with figs is sublime.

5. I believe that all the major religions are really just different points of view on the same subject.

6. I believe in smiling at as many people as I can in a day.

7. I believe in planning menus and cooking at home. When my child tells me that lunchboxes come from the lunchbox store, clothes come from the clothes store, & food comes from home then I feel like I've won 1,000 times.

8. I believe there are few sounds more awesome than friends collapsed in helpless laughter -- especially if one of them snorts.

9. I believe that everyone has a theme song.

10. I believe in karma. I believe that you get back exactly what you put out there.

11. I believe in miracles. I am living proof.

12. I don't believe in voodoo. I feel too protected to be affected by it.

13. I believe in strolling.

14. I believe life is full of hilarious random occurrences.

15. I believe in long, eye opening, jaw dropping, life altering conversations.

16. I believe in comfortable silences.

17. I believe in traveling out of your comfort zone whether that be through literal travel or forcing yourself to go beyond your own expectations.

18. I believe in asking questions and listening when the questionee responds.

19. I believe you're stronger, smarter, kinder and more beautiful than you think.

20. I believe love always wins.

I have found a new blog that is making me fall in love with life. This list is borrowed from here and some things she writes are much more eloquent than what I can say. The italics are hers.

Too hot outside

2010-07-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

It's going to be breaking 100 this weekend so I've come up with some ideas to keep the little one and me entertained:

a) Flower Math
b) Gumball Run
c) Pick blueberries
d) gather pinecones to make bird feeders
e) "wash" windows with paintbrushes and water
f) run through the sprinkler
g) slip 'n' slide
h) spray painting (spray bottle from the dollar store, 2 pieces of paper, some water, & washable paint. Mix the paint in with the water, and let him loose.)
i) giant bubbles
j) Sidewalk Chalk Paint: Simply mix 2 Tbsp Cornstarch, 2 Tbsp Water and 5 drops of food coloring. Paint with craft sponges or those paint brushes with sponge tips
k) Make blueberry muffins
l) Solar powered lunch
m) make crayons

Crayola giveaway

2010-07-23T13:17:00.001-04:00

Go here for a Crayola giveaway. If you win, invite me over for a playdate.

still looking

2010-07-19T10:50:00.002-04:00

Still looking for some laughs
Still looking for some balance
Still looking for some energry
Still looking for some time at the gym
Still looking for some motivation
Still looking for the excuses to disappear

Where is it? I know it is within me but I'm so tired. I'm tired of listening to everyone else. I'm tired of helping everyone else. I'm physically exhausted.
Sometimes I need to be lifted up. Sometimes I need to be asked about my day. Sometimes I need to be listened to. Sometimes I need someone to go out of their way for me.

Sometimes I need to be put back together.

What is needed...

2010-07-16T10:05:00.000-04:00

Ok universe I'm putting it out there. I'm tired and out of balance. I'm feeling like I'm empty at the end of the day. A kind of wrung out feeling like I have used up all my reserves.

It's time that I get to have some fun. It's time that I get to hear my laugh again surrounded by the laughter of those I love. It's time that I get to relax for a bit and enjoy myself. It's time that I get back to taking care of me.

I need some laughs this weekend and I need some silence. I need some me time and I need some fun.

Come on weekend...show me what you got!

Sometimes it's nice to remind him

2010-07-12T11:39:00.000-04:00

Reasons to love my husband:

I love how he gets on the floor and wrestles with our son and then chases him all around the house
I love hearing him read a book to our child every night
I love that he still surprises me by his generosity after all these years
I love that he knows what I need sometimes before I even know
I love that he picks me up a Diet Mt Dew sometimes just b/c he knows I love them
I love him on vacation
I love that he will go on vacation and spend hours building sandcastles with our child
I love that he will also spend hours catching him as he jumps in and out of the pool
I love that he loves me so passionately
I love that our little family means everything to him
I love that he kisses me every time he leaves the house
I love that he lets our little one snuggle between us when he'd rather be sleeping
I love great big family kisses
I love that he can cook anything I can dream up
I love that he is the best griller I have ever met
I love watching my boys mow grass together
I love how he fixes my side of the bed every night before he goes to sleep so all I have to do is slide under the covers.
I love it when he gets a hair cut
I love the way he is still rocking my world
I love that he fixed our neighbor's basketball goal and that he then played basketball with a teenager
I think it's sexy when I catch him reading
I love that he will pitch in and do exactly what I need
I love that he jokes with my best friend and makes her laugh
I love that he randomly calls me to ask me about my day
I love that he can enjoy silence with me
I love that he is a smart ass and can dish it out as well as take it
I love that he can raise one eyebrow
I love that he is happy to let me have a girl's night every week
I love when he catches me looking at him
I love how we can communicate when others are around w/o having to say a word
I love that I get to spend my life getting to know him

Living whole body...

2010-07-08T10:55:00.002-04:00

This is a good way to live.

Soapnuts

2010-07-04T00:10:00.001-04:00

There is a special place in my heart for soap nuts. There is also a giveaway. Go sign up and if you win, could you share the love?

2010-06-06T22:21:00.002-04:00

To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

- EE Cummings, poet

Bittersweet

2010-06-04T14:03:00.002-04:00

Today is a bittersweet day for me. It is a day of rebirth but it is also a day of awakening. Four years ago yesterday I was released from the hospital after having a c-section. My child was perfect in so many ways and I was feeling a love I had never felt before. I was also having a hard time breathing. I told my husband, my mom, the nurses, and the doctor that my chest felt tight. The dr. dismissed it as anxiety even after I explained that I am not an anxious person. I had to be weighed before I left the hospital and I pointed out to the dr. that I hadn't lost any weight since giving birth and shouldn't I have at least lost the weight of my son? The dr. dismissed it as fluid retention and that I would be ok after a few days.
So I went home, I still felt weird and I still kept telling people. I took a shower, I laid around with my son and then went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow I felt like I was drowning. I tried to go to the bathroom but couldn't. I told my husband that I needed to go to the hospital but he took me outside to talk me out of my anxiety. I knew something wasn't right. I finally looked at him and said "NO! You need to take me to the hospital now. I can't breathe".
In the 10 minutes that it took to get dressed and get me to the hospital, I was coughing up foam and felt like I couldn't exhale. I was begging him to run stop lights b/c I just knew I was dying. We got to the hospital, I jumped out, and ran into the emergency room. I told the woman at the desk that I couldn't breathe and she tries to tell me to "fill out these forms". I slam my hand down on the desk and say "No! I can't breathe!" My husband came in and told her that I just had a baby and that I was released from the hospital earlier that day. Well she hit some button and people came running. I was thrown into a wheelchair and a kid's oxygen mask was put on my face. For some odd reason I had it in my brain that this tiny mask was the reason I couldn't breathe and I kept trying to pull it off. Someone was in my ear telling me that I had to keep it on and that I needed to calm down. Last thing I remember is being thrown onto a gurney, my clothes are being cut off me, I'm bargaining with the nurse that I will calm down if she will take the oxygen mask off, and I saw my husband holding my purse as they shut the door. That was June 3, 2006. I woke up June 5, 2006.
I lost an entire day, which has its anniversary today. I remember nothing about it except I know that my mom told me my older brother was there and I remember thinking "Oh God it must be bad if he is here" so I opened my eyes, looked at him, and passed back out.
(Now I must interject here to let you know that I have always been a sassy "told you so" kind of woman. I used to love to be right.)
Next thing I remember is that I woke up and I couldn't talk b/c I had a tube in my throat. I asked for a pen and I wrote "what happened?" I listened and then I said "I told you I didn't feel good." Then I passed back out. Everyone that I know that was there for this says that this was the moment when they knew I was going to be ok. I woke up a second time and did the same thing. I don't remember waking up the first time but my mom kept the paper that I wrote on and that is the only way I know that I did. I was in the ICU for a week after that while my husband's family took care of my newborn. I would get to see him for about 30 minutes a day but that 30 minutes was the best part of my day and gave me the strength and will to get better.
I remember barely being able to walk up and down the halls of the cardiac unit. I was the youngest person there and all the nurses fawned over me b/c I had a newborn. When I got home I couldn't walk up the stairs without getting winded. I had to force myself to walk around the block and I would have to stop several times before I could make it home. I would push the stroller while someone walked next to us. I was and still am determined to get healthy for my child.
Apparently what had been going on behind my back was that the doctors were telling my family that I may have to have a transplant. I may end up at another hospital if the medicine didn't work. They were preparing my family for the worst. There was a whole lot of praying going on. My guess is that some 10,000 people were praying for me. My uncle knew of someone hosting a 5,000 person revival and they were going to pray for me and I figure that if each of those people just told one person then that was easily 10,000 praying for me. This does not count family and friends that actually know me.
So this now explains why I get so excited when I can do a 13, 14 , or 15 minute mile on the elliptical. I started out not being able to walk around the block. I had over 50 lbs of fluid drained out of my body while I was in the ICU. I weigh less than that now but I'm still nowhere near where I want to be.
My attitude about life has changed too. I have no time or tolerance for drama. Life is too short and if someone is toxic then I do not want them in my life. I have tons more patience than I ever thought possible. I am less inclined to judge and more inclined to listen. I find joy in my everday existence and try my best to find at least one reason to laugh every day.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I was supposed to pay God back for saving my life. I finally figured out that he doesn't want me to pay him back. My time here was not done & I just needed a giant kick in the pants to realize that I am awesome, my life is awesome, & the people I have surrounded myself with are awesome. I needed to shut up and enjoy it. I still struggle to have it make sense but just typing this I realize that I have come leaps and bounds since 4 years ago. I am taking better care of myself...in fact better care than I have ever taken. I am so proud of how far I have come even though I have so far to go.

Current journey

2010-05-28T10:06:00.000-04:00

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." - James Oppenheim, short-story writer, novelist, poet

The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you already have. If you think about it, most discontent grows from want. We want more stuff, more excitement, more pleasure. When we don't get those things, we're resentful and unsatisfied. Take away the want, and you take away the unhappiness. When your quality of life is tied to your desires, fulfillment is a shadow that escapes your view. Like trying to imagine a new color, the harder you look, the harder it is to see. Does this mean you stop setting goals and striving for a healthy lifestyle and better life? No. It means you can appreciate life regardless of the outcome. It means you can relish the pursuit while accepting the possibility of failure. It means you can still enjoy the ride. Happiness is not a destination--it's a way of life.

I read this this morning and it completely sums up the journey I am currently on. It's a hard one, to be sure, but I'm tired of looking outside of myself for solutions to my weight issues or even my happiness. I know that I already have everything I need. Seriously...have you met my family? My boys are both awesome, kind, supportive, loving...I could go on and on. When I'm having a bad day I only have to think of them to know how lucky I am. I keep saying that they deserve the best me possible. I'm working on it, I am.

The Journey

2010-05-19T16:24:00.002-04:00

The Journey {by Mary Oliver}

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

The beauty of innocence

2010-05-18T11:17:00.002-04:00

My 3 year old son went with me to the gym last Thursday. As we were leaving he asked me why I went to the gym. Not wanting him to see my weight or "being fat" in a negative light I told him the following: I go to the gym to get stronger. I go there to build strong muscles and to be healthy. I told him that he would be riding a bike very soon and I wanted to keep up with him.
He answers me from the backseat with "but Mama, you have big muscles. You are strong. You can pick me up."
I then explained to him that very soon he would be riding a bike and I know that he will be very fast. I explained that I wanted to be able to keep up with him so that he wouldn't have to slow down because of me.
He's had my butt in the gym almost every day since then and reminds me constantly why I am doing this and why I am here.
I think I am awesome, my son thinks I am beautiful, and my husband lets me know every day that he loves me. Why would I not take care of myself and grow old with them?

Excerpt from an interview with Karen Miller

2010-04-22T16:39:00.000-04:00

We are so good at telling ourselves the story of what we can't do, of what's not going to happen in our lives, the places we'll never go. We like to go on and on about our limitations.

But what if all of this expertly leads us to the way out? Our very seeking, our feelings of discouragement, our lack of fulfillment, is nothing other than a tug towards the way out. We have to listen. We have to take the next step. We only ever get anywhere one step at a time, little by little. If we don't heed that, what we might do, what we are conditioned to do, is to numb that feeling. Drown it, cover it up, in whatever way we do this. We might shop more, exercise more, change relationships, seek a different car, or house, or job. Whatever it is, we ignore our own internal GPS which keeps trying to get us to turn towards truth.

You just have to proceed, to listen, step by step. And trust that that uncomfortable feeling, your unhappiness, is actually a life-saving feeling. Your life crashing around you is actually a life-saving event. You have to pay attention.

beauty

2010-04-12T10:22:00.002-04:00

This weekend my child looked at me and said, "Mama, you're beautiful. Can I give you a kiss?" Seriously did my heart a heap of good.

Holy Cow Batman!

2010-04-06T14:33:00.002-04:00

Want to stay awake all day w/o caffeine of B Vitamins? Try having your child wake you up at 3am screaming "Daddy!" at the top of his lungs b/c he has the worst nose bleed you've ever seen. I'm still jacked up from the sight. Blood was everywhere. On hands, feet, legs, underwear, shirt, face, sheets, pillows. It looked like he had fought a wild animal. I was screaming for the hubby but he didn't hear me so I had to run downstairs and wake him up and we both took off running upstairs. Then after everything was cleaned up I was back downstairs washing the brand new Spiderman sheets that were on the full size bed we just upgraded the litte one to. There was no way that I could let the stains set. My brain is still reeling and I cannot focus today.

Btw...All detergent is awesome. I could pour it on the stain and watch it disappear.

Who knew I would ever quote Salma Hayek...

2010-03-23T15:22:00.001-04:00

The biggest thing brought into my life was this peacefulness. I still get passionate about things, but my passion is not so scattered and it's not needy. It's a lot more powerful because it comes with this groundedness and peacefulness. That it's about the process, not about the results.
Salma Hayek, Conversation with Salma Hayek, 2002

Flames

2010-03-23T12:29:00.001-04:00

"The life we are most devoted to is the life we don’t have" -Karen Mazen Miller

I read this a few weeks ago and it has stuck with me. It resonates in my soul. Often I am asked, "tell me something exciting". I am then forced to search my brain for something I have done that would be considered exciting. More often than not I find nothing.
I find immense pleasure in couponing and meal planning. It is not exciting but it is necessary to keep me in my budget. I find immense pleasure in laundry and the immediate gratification its completion brings. Again...not exciting but necessary. I find pleasure in playing with my son or making my husband smile. Not exciting but completely necessary.

I spend a good deal of my time learning to be a better person. Getting back to who I am. I sit and I think a lot. I monitor my anger all the time. I don't do this because I am a better person, I do it because I will never be anyone else. I hate it when I wake up in a bad mood and take it out on my child, my husband, or a close friend. I don't wake up happy and refreshed but I do make a concious effort every day to watch my actions so that those I love don't suffer because of me.

It took me years to learn and practice with complete honesty the art of sympathetic joy. I am truly happy for people when they get what they have worked for. I am happy when luck appears to be on their side and they have won something. I am no longer jealous because someone I know drives a better car than me or lives in a better house or even appears to have a better life. I do have a problem with someone getting everything they say they wanted but then still not being fulfilled. I am slowly finding peace and happiness within myself but it is hard work.

Every day is a battle. Most days are spent fighting off apathy because the things that used to excite me just don't excite me anymore. I feel suffocated by it and the only thing that seems to alleviate it is finding joy in the simplicity of life. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my passion. I don't like to debate anymore. I don't like to party. I perfer small intimate groups to large ones and I don't like being the center of attention. I don't necessarily have an opinion about everything. These are all things that used to make me, well...me. So I feel a little lost and not quite sure where I fit in sometimes. So I am on a journey to find the spark that ignites the flames of an authentic, passionate life. It's fun and it's frustrating but I know that it will be worth it.

Pema

2010-02-28T00:16:00.000-05:00

The following is an excerpt from Pema Chodron's book, The Wisdom of
No Escape:

When people start to meditate or work with any kind of spiritual
discipline, they often think they are going to improve. But
loving-kindness or maitri toward ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of
anything. The point is not to change ourselves. It's about befriending
who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever you
are right now, just as we are. The idea isn't to get rid of ego but
actually to begin to take an interest in ourselves, to investigate, and
be inquisitive about ourselves.

One of the main discoveries of meditation is seeing how we continually
run away from the present moment, how we avoid being here just as we
are. The magic is willing to be fully awake to that. You do all those
things for which you criticize people you don't like, all the people
you judge. Making friends with yourself is making friends with all those
people, too.

Sitting meditation, working, bathing, eating and other every day things
are all we need to be fully awake, fully alive, fully human. The body,
emotions, and mind that we have now are exactly what we need to be fully
human, fully awake, and fully alive.

Meditation is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic
goodness of what we have and who we are. Our wisdom is all mixed up
with our neuroses, therefore, it doesn't do any good to try to get rid
of our negative aspects, because in that process, we also get rid of our
basic wonderfulness.

From my other online journal Nov 2005

2010-02-28T00:13:00.002-05:00

So I've been thinking about some of the crazy things I did as a kid:

1) I grew up in the country so we had a HUGE backyard. My parents had beach sand hauled in so that we could have a sand pile to play in. My brother and I used to dig holes to China.

2) I climbed up on the clothes line pole one time (this pole is only about 5 ft tall) and I knocked the ladder over on my way up. I proceeded to sit up there for over an hour until I had the courage to jump down. My mom just stared out the window at me and told me that I had gotten myself up there so I had to get myself down.

3) I have always been the kind of person that likes to push the shiny red button. When I was about 4 years old I climbed under my dad's truck when he first got home and grabbed the shiny silver thing under there. Yes, I scalded my hand on the muffler.

4) Same truck...different day. I was playing gymnastics by jumping off the side of the truck and twirling on the way down. Well I judged wrong one time and ending up scraping my chin down the side of the truck. I still have the scar from that one.

5) We were eating foot long hot dogs one time and I choked. My dad had to give me the Heimlich maneuver and everything. Reason I choked? I was taking bites and swallowing them whole in an attempt to see just how big of a bite I could take w/o choking. That worked out well...

6) Every time my parents let me drive the riding lawnmower, I wrecked it. Now we have a 3 acre back yard and I still managed to run into things. I am no longer allowed to drive it.

7) I used to have a hobby horse. One of those ones that they definitely don't make anymore b/c it was suspended on a metal frame by 4 springs. I used to love to build up my momentum and get it going across the floor. I have broken more of these toys than I can remember.

8) I can remember sitting on the floor at the age of 3 watching Captain Kangaroo with a patch over one eye. I can also remember going in for eye surgery and going under the anesthesia.

9) My only fight was in fifth grade. I slapped a girl in the face with a baseball glove b/c she called me a fished eye fool. My guy friends then proceeded to hit her with baseball bats. We all had to spend the next week in detention copying the dictionary.

10) I used to love to fish with my dad. Still do. To this day I prefer to use a cane pole over a rod-n-reel b/c I like the simplicity of the cane pole. Makes me feel like Huckleberry Finn.

Really?

2010-02-25T09:03:00.002-05:00

Dear North Carolina weather,

Why was I out all weekend playing in the park with my son while it was almost 60 degrees only to find myself driving to work in the snow today?
Can you please explain?

Thanks!

The power of writing it down

2010-02-22T11:39:00.002-05:00

On Feb 8, 2010 I wrote down in my notebook at work that I need to pay $800/month towards my car payment in order to have my car paid off by October 2010. Right now I already try to pay $675/month but was looking to see what I could do without in order to find an extra $125/month. My intention was to go back to that blank page in my notebook and rework my budget when there was a lull at work. There has been no such lull. Nine days after writing down that I need extra money, I got a raise. One that more than covers what I need in order to pay off the car. A raise that I did not ask for, had no idea I was getting, but have totally worked hard for.
So how is this year going for me? Where is "beyond" taking me? It's opening me up to new possibilities. I have never had sales as large as I'm having this year. I'm flying through the books that I want to read. I am becoming a better steward of my money. I have no problem asking for what I need. I am learning to accept with gratitude. I have opened myself up a little more and have shared my thought process with someone I love dearly. I keep thinking that I need to create a "Mondo Beyondo" list. A list so big and outrageous of things I want in this life. A list that couldn't possibly be accomplished but by putting my energy out there, it just might.
I need to take up writing again. I'm not very good at it, but that's ok b/c I'm the only one that ever reads it. I think I'm off right now to start a new journal. I keep feeling like I need to and so I am. Don't believe in the power of writing it down? Well you should.

Frugal Food Challenge-Week 4

2010-01-17T10:30:00.002-05:00

Jan 16-22, 2010

Saturday, January 16
Breakfast:
Bacon
eggs
toast with homemade strawberry jam
Lunch:
Birthday party
Dinner:
We ordered pizza b/c I was just too exhausted to do any cooking

January 17, 2010
Breakfast:
Cereal
Lunch:
Fruit and Veggie Corn Dogs from the freezer
Dinner:
"fried" chicken, collards from the freezer, Mac & cheese

January 18, 2010
Dinner:
Smoked sausage and butter beans

January 19, 2010
Dinner:
Ham Breakfast Casserole

January 20, 2010
Dinner:
Crockpot Angel Chicken with pasta

January 21, 2010
Dinner:
Creamy Chicken breasts, corn bread casserole (see below), and Maple Brown Sugar Baby Carrots

January 22, 2010
Dinner:
Mama out

Frugal Food Challenge-Week 3

2010-01-10T11:27:00.006-05:00

Jan 9-15, 2010

Saturday, January 9
Breakfast:
Link sausage from the freezer
eggs
instant grits from pantry

Lunch:
random fruit & yogurt from the house
popcorn from pantry

Dinner:
Tex Mex Pasta

January 10, 2010
Breakfast:
Amish Oatmeal

Lunch:
Fruit and Veggie Corn Dogs from the freezer

Dinner:
Dinner with family. I'm bringing Broccoli Casserole

January 11, 2010
Dinner:
Porkchops, rice, broccoli & cheese

January 12, 2010
Dinner:
Farmhouse chicken with green beans

January 13, 2010
Dinner:
Ham & Cheesy noodle casserole with green peas

January 14, 2010
Dinner:
Creamy Chicken breasts, corn bread casserole (see below), and Maple Brown Sugar Baby Carrots

Corn bread casserole:

heat oven to 350degrees

mix in a bowl,
2 eggs(or 3 egg whites)
1 can of reguler sweet corn, strained
1 can of creamed corn, as is
1/2 stick of butter(although i've made it without butter on accident and its still really good), you'll have to melt it first.
4 ounces of sour cream(i get light)
1 box of jiffy cornbread muffin mix.

put all ingredients into a medium sized casserole dish, grease the bottom.

bake in the oven for about 1 hour, stick a toothpick in it, its okay if its a little gooey.
i usually cook it for about an hour to hour and 20 mintues.

January 15, 2010
Dinner:
Mama out, boys on their own

Total spent on groceries $16.40

Word of the year

2010-01-01T23:27:00.001-05:00

So the word of 2010 is going to be BEYOND.
I am going to push myself beyond my comfort zone and beyond my limits. I am going to go beyond what I think my strengths are. I am going to look beyond my weaknesses. I am going to take chances and accept change. I am opening myself up to no resolutions and plenty of possibility.